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Being Old-Fashioned, Downton Abbey Style
One of my favorite bridal historians, British
writer Ann Monsarrat, talked about how old “innocent superstitions…just for fun”
became wedding “traditions” in Victorian times. Although most wedding customs
have ancient roots back to the days of arranged marriages (like “the
superstition that the bride and groom should not meet on their wedding day
until they do so at the altar”), it was the sentimental Victorians who made
them part of the “rules” of wedding etiquette. And even if a tad
old-fashioned, some traditions stayed around while others disappeared in the
regimented practicality guiding many weddings today.
It reminds me of the episode of Downton Abbey in
season three when Martha Levinson, Cora’s very avant garde American
mother played by Shirley Maclaine, arrives for Lady Mary’s wedding. At dinner
the night before the ceremony, Violet, the other grandmother (Maggie Smith’s
witty character, the proper Dowager Countess) tells Martha that Matthew won’t
be dining with them since it’s “bad luck” for the groom to see the
bride. Martha teases about following such old-fashioned notions: “It’s
1920 for heaven’s sake!”
However, old-fashioned or not, keeping some traditions
just brings out the sweetness in us. Remember the Downton Abbey scene later that night when Matthew slips into the
Abbey to apologize to Mary and—with her slightly opened bedroom door between
them—asks for a reconciliation kiss. After a pause, Mary softens and smiles:
“Only if you close your eyes…it’s bad luck to see me before the wedding.” (He
does, she does, then takes a peek, and they seem even more in love when they meet at the altar
the next morning!)
Now I can appreciate the benefits of being practical as
much as the next fellow; and I understand that the current practice of taking
photographs of all the wedding party before
the ceremony is indeed “practical.” But don’t you think it spoils some of the romantic
mystery?
Ann Monsarrat told this charming story around the 1893
wedding of a future king and queen:
…when Princess
May of Teck and the Duke of York caught sight of each other from opposite ends
of one of the long, long corridors of Buckingham Palace on their marriage
morning, they took it as a happy
sign. They were a constrained couple, always writing to explain how much
they loved each other and apologising that they could not actually say so; both
were warmed by the brief encounter. The Duke, according to Queen Mary’s
official biographer ‘swept her a low and courtly bow. This gesture she never
forgot.’
Certain old-fashioned notions may be worth
saving—especially if they inspire such courtliness and tender memories. And in
our “let it all hang out” modern world, they may prove absolutely essential in
keeping some of our “mystery” intact (and a woman’s mystery never goes out of fashion
and sometimes romance needs a bit of old-fashioned nudging.) ~
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