{A Mother's Rite-of-Passage}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

In my 30 or so years working with brides and their families while planning a wedding, I have been around many mother-daughter relationships. And if I was ever asked for a bit of coaching by the bride, I may have said something like: “Remember, your wedding is also a rite-of-passage—a time of deep personal change—for your mother as well as for you.” And if the mother asked for a bit of advice, perhaps I’d say: “Remember, your daughter is a grown-up now; it’s time to listen and be a friend.”

I write a lot about this relationship, dedicating a chapter to mothers and daughters in my book The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride, even quoting designers Vera Wang and the late Oscar de la Renta—who both dressed thousands of brides. This from Oscar: “The wedding is almost as important to the mother as it is to the bride.” And from Vera:

The most challenging relationship is often that of mother and daughter. A wedding can unleash torrents of emotion, and a bride must balance her own needs for control with her mother’s sense of involvement.

The theme running through this “mothers and daughters” chapter, however, is ‘being grateful’...opening with the Jean Baptiste Massieu quote: “Gratitude is the memory of the heart.”  So no matter how fraught with tension a situation or relationship becomes, take a deep breath, listen for that “still, small voice of gratitude” and open your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.

….with love from Cornelia 

ps: Read more about mothers and daughters and gratitude with your own copy of The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding.

[Photo courtesy of BHLN]

{Be Exquisitely Self-Expressed}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
There's no such thing as too many musings about beautiful vintage handkerchiefs! So here's a "ps" to a recent post about my love for hankies....

I met Cynthia Brumback, author of the wondrous new book The Art of the Monogram, at a book signing in Cashiers, North Carolina last month. Of course there's more to monograms than just using on handkerchiefs and Cynthia's book covers it all exquisitely: from sterling silver and home linens to royal jewels and silk lingerie; from their etched historical beginnings to today's high-fashion runways; from grand display to intimately personal. (This book should be on your most wished-for "gift list.")

Planning a wedding, being a bride, beginning a marriage are all compelling rites-of-passage and I can't think of anything that marks their passage more memorably than to have some sort of beautifully scripted monogram to commemorate the occasion. Whether it's a vintage linen handkerchief embroidered with your initial to carry on your wedding day; or for your reception, a pair of old silver toasting goblets engraved with your new monogram, perfect for holding hand-picked wildflowers later by your bedside; or a custom-designed monogram with "his & her" initials for your wedding cake (just like William and Kate!), a design you use forever on favorite things at home.

In the spirit of honoring relationship (with yourself, with another, with your heritage), something monogramed is the perfect bit of "self-expressed" beauty to add to your life every day!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: The Art of the Monogram]

{Choices of Your Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

“Wearing a wedding gown is so weird,” a bride was quoted in The Bride Revealed, a book by wedding photographer Leslie Barton. “It’s not like any other dress. I felt so grown-up and elegant in it. At the same time, it felt like a costume. Even during my wedding, when I saw my reflection, I was startled. ‘Who is that?’ It’s such an important transformation, from the usual jeans and T-shirt to a formal wedding gown. I felt it strengthened the commitment, that what I said on this day would be with me for the rest of my life.”

This bride reveals something that you might soon find out for yourself. That your wedding gown, and all the other rituals you use for your wedding—the music, flowers, exchange of rings, even your vows—are all outward expressions of your inner self. They are a reflection of what you hold in your heart and meant to, as this bride shared, “strengthen your commitment” to all you hold dear.

And you thought your wedding dress was only to make you look like a dream! It’s not only a “transformation from jeans to formal gown,” but also a transformation of your heart—deepening your commitment to your best self. Make the things you choose for your wedding, choices of your “big old beautiful open heart!”

Love. Listen. Let go.

....with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Leslie Barton]

{Five Minutes to Ease}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Yes, you’ve heard me say over and over how important it is to have a little quiet reverie in your day during your busy wedding planning time. And you’ve said, “I want to, but just don’t have the time!”

Okay, try this. And don’t add it to your “to do” list—a list that’s much too long anyway! And don’t think of it as “something else to do,” but more like a luscious gift to give yourself. Just say: “I’m taking care of myself inside and out today!” (And did you know that when you are more relaxed and centered, you are also more creative and loving?)

Start now...it only takes five minutes, or less. YOU deserve it!

Sitting quietly with your eyes closed and breathing through your nose, count each deep, slow inhale (one) and long, soft exhale (two), inhale (three), exhale (four); continue slowly until you get to thirty. And if you lose count, just start over at number one. (Like planning your wedding, it’s not a race to the finish line; it’s a journey to enjoy as you explore your true heart’s desire....which tends to show up inside that inner quiet.)

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Cheryl Wiles of arisit i]

{Attending a Bride}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
     In preparing for my upcoming book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride (about surprising ways Princess Diana exposed romantic myths that women still hold on to), I read how Elizabeth and David Emanuel, co-designers of her famously sumptuous royal wedding gown, developed a strong bond with Diana. They became personal confidantes in addition to her main wardrobe advisors.

     In my experience working with thousands of brides in my former bridal art-to-wear shop in Atlanta in the 1980s and 90s, I understand how that happens—and how special it can be for the bride-to-be! Here’s an excerpt from my book (to be released next year) that shares about this uniquely feminine and intimate relationship:

For my customers, the gown fittings at my shop gave the bride a chance to “cocoon” a bit; escape into the dreamy, feminine world of silks and laces and be the center of attention. She could tell her story to a rapt audience of designers and costume advisors as well as hear my folklore tales of wedding history. In this secluded haven, the bride could be away from the more mundane decisions in her regular world, and receive counseling and reassurance while freely expressing herself with this new comforting and attentive community of women.

My intention was for the bride’s fittings to be nurturing and self-reflecting experiences; an occasion for the bride-to-be to stand in the midst of her rite-of-passage and “find herself”—becoming more centered and grounded as she learned about her bridal legacy. And in so doing, be reminded that during all the wedding hoopla, the key was to keep her attention on her relationships: her relationship with her heart, with her family, with her partner, and

what they were building together.

   I hope that as a bride you have a chance to enjoy your own “royal” version of escaping into the dreamy, feminine world of silks and laces and be the center of attention. Look for relationships with wedding professionals that nurture and honor you. Be sure that you are lovingly attended to. And have people around that will gently remind you what’s at the heart of the relationship you and your partner are building together. That’s what being attended to is all about!

 

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia
 
[Bottom Photograph: Jason Hudson]

[Stay tuned for news of the release of my new book: THE END OF THE FAIRY-TALE BRIDE: Princess Diana’s Legacy Reframed {Shattering the Princess Myth & Freeing the Damsel in Distress}]

{Heart-Full of Rituals}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
What’s a wedding without some sort of ceremony, and what’s a ceremony without a ritual or two, and what’s a ritual without a bit of mystery? The rituals of wedding ceremonies—such as exchanging rings, repeating vows, dressing in special clothes, sharing a big cake—are all intended as outer expressions of your inner transformation. Subtle changes that are close to your heart. Rituals act as guideposts on this rather mysterious transformational journey called being a bride, this womanly rite-of-passage.

In my book, The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself, I share the most feminine of wedding rituals that are inspired by the charming wedding rhyme: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a sixpence for your shoe. Don’t miss connecting with other women with these essentially “being a woman” rituals and gestures that hold a bit of that feminine mystery.

What rituals are you using for your wedding? Give them special attention like wise gifts from the past and see how their magic goes deep into your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Priscilla Wannamaker]

{A Gift for Your Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
I just finished a lovely series of book signing and speaking events. I shared with guests stories and ideas from my new book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself—and was delighted that many folks not only bought the book as gifts for friends and family, but also “felt” the intimacy of its message.

In the book, I invite readers to come go on an exploration with me. It’s a journey that taps into the ancient wisdom and magic of the past where you uncover some of the mysteries of your bridal rite-of-passage. As you take a few calming deep breaths, the journey gently spirals inward—like a long soothing sigh—into a quiet still space where you feel more peaceful and present. Here you are invited to “look inside to find yourself” … and there, with eyes open wide, you get a glimpse of your heart’s desire.

Now who could ask for anything more while planning your wedding? Whether it’s a book’s message or a relaxing deep breathing exercise or a meditative practice to keep your heart open—give yourself a gift of tender loving care ... a gift for your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia 

[Photograph: Jason Hudson]

{Treasured Words}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Words have magic and power to them. Words that you and your partner consider for your wedding vows are treasured “borrowed wisdom.” You may choose sacred words from an old religious text or something from your ancient heritage, like the Cherokee Wedding Prayer or Celtic Blessings, or perhaps from literature, such as Shakespeare’s Sonnets. Whatever source you borrow from . . . the words are a gift. Even if you write your own vows, these are words that have resonated with other ageless lovers searching for that perfect expression of the heart.

As you speak the words of declaration at your wedding, don’t rush. Allow their energy and rhythm to flow deep inside you, feel them in your heart, moving you to a new place of love and commitment.

Here’s an idea for a bit of wedding ceremony practice: During the “busyness” of wedding planning, why don’t you and your partner choose favorite love poems to read to each other as a way to stay connected. Close your eyes if you’re the one listening; gently deepen your breathing; and as the words are spoken, see if you can feel them in your body. Practice until you can feel your heart open so you know the difference ... and then when those treasured words are spoken at your wedding, your heart will be ready!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: David Willems]

{The Essence of Rituals}

Dear Bride-to-Be: Have you thought about the rituals you're using for your wedding ceremony? Perhaps some are part of your family or community's customs, or a practice of a particular religious service, while perhaps others are traditions you've read about and want to incorporate into your own ceremony.

The essence of rituals comes out of the ancient past from early cultures where one’s life was deeply connected to nature and the spirit world. They may come from the past, but rituals are alive and creative, full of energy as vibrant as what you’re willing to put into them. The magic is not the ritual itself but where it takes you. And that journey is within.

“The origin of rituals overlaps our own origin to the beginning of the human story—to the core of what it is to be human,” scholars declare. When we participate in these ancient rituals today, we tap into the essence of our own origin. Even in our consumer-driven, frenetic technological world, rituals—when used consciously—are a way to stay linked to our true inner nature.

Learn about rituals, see what resonates with you, and choose from your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph by Jason Hudson]

{Be Gentle with Yourself}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Historically, pale blue is associated with tranquility, softness, and wise understanding. Let your wedding “something blue” be a cue to be gentle with yourself: relax, breathe deeply into your heart, allow your breath to center you, and feel your heart open.

Practice this as you plan your wedding, wrapping yourself in the tranquil spirit of your bridal blue until its soothing nature simply becomes second nature to you.

Gently take a deep breath, inhaling the peaceful color of heaven; slowly exhale, breathing out tensions and fear. Make this declaration: “I’m replacing what doesn’t serve me with love and inclusion.” And be true to that little bit of blue magic!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia
 
[Photograph by: Beth Ely for Missy McLamb Photographers]

{Honoring the Lineage of Women}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
For thousands of years in cultures worldwide, young girls were taught the art of needlework, spending the early years of their girlhood embroidering their wedding costume. But societies change, and today these girls—perhaps more skilled with a computer keyboard than with a needle—need to borrow their elaborate wedding costume from village elders. The world may change, but women always love to connect in rituals of the heart, sharing their talents to champion another woman. Share your best self today!

So whether you borrow a locket or brooch or tiara from another woman for your wedding—or even if everything you wear is brand new—you borrow skills, patience, beauty and courage from the lineage of women. Wear whatever you wear to honor that heritage.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Priscilla Wannamaker]

{Wedding Rituals}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

What’s a wedding without some sort of ceremony, and what’s a ceremony without re-enacting a ritual or two, and what’s a ritual without a bit of mystery? The rituals of wedding ceremonies—such as exchanging rings, repeating vows, or even dressing in special clothes—are intended as outer expressions of your inner transformation. Rituals act as guideposts on this rather mysterious transformational journey called being a bride, this womanly rite-of-passage.

What rituals are you using for your wedding? Give them attention like wise gifts from the past and see how their magic goes deep into your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
Cornelia

[Photograph: Priscilla Wannamaker]