{A Mother's Rite-of-Passage}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

In my 30 or so years working with brides and their families while planning a wedding, I have been around many mother-daughter relationships. And if I was ever asked for a bit of coaching by the bride, I may have said something like: “Remember, your wedding is also a rite-of-passage—a time of deep personal change—for your mother as well as for you.” And if the mother asked for a bit of advice, perhaps I’d say: “Remember, your daughter is a grown-up now; it’s time to listen and be a friend.”

I write a lot about this relationship, dedicating a chapter to mothers and daughters in my book The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride, even quoting designers Vera Wang and the late Oscar de la Renta—who both dressed thousands of brides. This from Oscar: “The wedding is almost as important to the mother as it is to the bride.” And from Vera:

The most challenging relationship is often that of mother and daughter. A wedding can unleash torrents of emotion, and a bride must balance her own needs for control with her mother’s sense of involvement.

The theme running through this “mothers and daughters” chapter, however, is ‘being grateful’...opening with the Jean Baptiste Massieu quote: “Gratitude is the memory of the heart.”  So no matter how fraught with tension a situation or relationship becomes, take a deep breath, listen for that “still, small voice of gratitude” and open your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.

….with love from Cornelia 

ps: Read more about mothers and daughters and gratitude with your own copy of The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding.

[Photo courtesy of BHLN]

{Heart Words}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 

With our “gratitude” theme from last month, I was reminded of another excerpt from my new book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride. I love how this little story expresses the importance of sharing from your heart…no matter how busy or tired or preoccupied you might be. The setting here is following a most momentous wedding in 1947:

...then there are always some “heart words” sitting there, waiting to be said or put into a letter, no matter the circumstances, even for a busy and tired king. Following a grand November wedding; after waving to cheering crowds from the central balcony of Buckingham Palace; after a wedding meal “including twelve wedding cakes, the main one nine feet high” where five kings, eight queens, eight princes and ten princesses were present; after the newlyweds, the new Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh, left for their honeymoon in an open carriage; later that evening, as historian Dulcie Ashdown shared, “King George VI sat down to write to his daughter.”

I was so proud of you and thrilled at having you close to me on our long walk in Westminster Abbey, but when I handed your hand to the Archbishop, I felt I had lost something very precious. You were so calm and composed during the Service and said your words with such conviction that I knew everything was alright.

This letter may have been written by a king to his daughter on her wedding day (a princess who only four years later would take her father’s place on the throne, becoming Queen Elizabeth II, and who has now surpassed her great-great grandmother in longevity of service as British monarch), but at its heart, the letter’s loving sentiment is a message that any daughter would be pleased to hear from her father or mother on any given day.

On this day, at this moment, share from your heart. We all need some “heart words” about now!

Love. Listen. Let go.

…with love from Cornelia

[Enjoy your own copy of The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding....easy to order from Amazon with a speedy delivery!] 

[Images above from Queen Elizabeth’s wedding day.]

{Thank You Notes}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
"Gratitude is the memory of the heart" a wise French scholar once said. And being grateful expresses the tenderest parts of ourselves. So what about those wedding "Thank You" notes? No excuses like "you're too busy" or "they're old-fashioned"—writing thank-you notes for gifts and favors and assistance you've received are as essential to your wedding planning duties as ordering the invitations, selecting the cake, or finding the perfect dress!

The editors of Martha Stewart Weddings devoted an entire section to "How to Write a Thank-You Note" ... and here's what they said about getting started:

In the afterglow of a wedding, it can be a joy to write thank-you notes expressing heartfelt gratitude for the gifts you've received. But no matter how genuine your feelings, keeping the sentiment meaningful from one note to the next takes focus and creativity. Plus, you need to be somewhat organized to get the messages completed in a timely fashion.

Continuing with tips about "getting organized," "keeping track," and "what should the notes look like," the magazine editors also remind you that "feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it!" Need I say more?

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

[Top quote from Jean Baptiste Massieu, bottom quote from William Arthur Ward; images from Martha Stewart Weddings.]

{Say 'Thank You' Before Anything Else}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Don't forget to bring your grateful heart along when planning your wedding! It's so easy for couples to get caught up in the commercial glitz of wedding planning that no wonder some weddings appear to be done more "by the numbers" than "from the heart"....

And yes, numbers do play a big part in planning a wedding: the size of your guest list; how many attendants to have; the cost of the reception; the size of your wedding's carbon imprint; and etcetera! Yet, no matter how you "count the ways" (staying within your budget, being as "green" as possible, or including all of his relatives), you're busy counting while planning a wedding. So how to turn it around so that numbers aren't a source of stress, but simply a reminder of all your blessings?

It's not always easy to get the numbers to match your heart's desire in the simplest of circumstances, but it becomes especially challenging when planning a wedding. With weddings – these microcosms of real life – you're attempting to stuff so much into one event. And you do want to please everyone, even when you know that's impossible! Hmmmm. (I'm reminded of the quote from writer Eric Hoffer: "The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.")

 

So consider this: 

• What if planning your wedding became about "counting your blessings" first, then taking a head count second?
• What if being grateful was always first on your "to do" list?
• How would it change your life if everything followed "thank you"?

Whether you have only a dozen people at your wedding or you fill a grand ballroom, the spirit of your wedding comes from the gratitude in your heart and how you share it, yes? The thirteenth century German theologian Meister Eckhart said: "If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice." So if indeed saying "thank you" is like saying a prayer, then offer up your gratitude in all the ways you can, and the blessings of your wedding day will surely be abundant!

 

A beautiful bride is a woman who says "thank you" even without speaking a word.

 

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

[Photographs: David Willems]

{A Grateful Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Do you think that abundance is limited ... that good fortune skips a day in your life? Wise spiritual guides tell us that what we might consider as lack of abundance or a misfortune is actually an opportunity to open our hearts even wider ... a reminder to be thankful for what we do have. It seems blessings come a’calling to a grateful heart!

Over two thousand years ago, the Roman philosopher Cicero said “a grateful heart is the greatest virtue.” We receive gifts each day that we may not recognize as gifts, but anytime we express appreciation for the experience we’ve been given—no matter what it is—then our hearts open that much more.

Keep your heart available for love in abundant proportions . . . and abundance is yours. Remember that it’s a generous dose of gratitude that returns you to the virtue and “fortunes” of love.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Sarah Merians Photography]

{Thank You!}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
There simply cannot be too many thank-yous spoken in the world. (Nor too many hearts full of love!) Many people assisted you in getting to your wedding day...keep the generosity and gratitude going. Say “thank you” to the first and last person you see today—and everyone in-between—and really mean it.

Notice how a little from-the-heart “thank you” lights people up. In fact, make it your job to light people up today. “Thank you!”—it feels great. And you’re the one who just might get the biggest reward.

“Gratitude is what returns us to love,” writer Lisa Clapier reminds us, and love is abundantly endless. You won’t run out—just keep giving it away!

Have your wedding be remembered for the gifts everyone else takes home—your love and gratitude.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Brian Wagner]