Redefining Masculinity, Redefining Courage

digitalfrontierinstitute.org

“It’s time to redefine masculinity,” Prince Harry stated during an official Commonwealth tour made with his wife and young son to South Africa in 2019. Given the strict German and British duty-bound heritage of his Windsor family — that calls for its menfolk to be aloof, manly, and in control — Harry, the former military man and now self-proclaimed feminist, is an inspiring representative of the courage it takes to build a new archetype of being male. Brushing off the tired old sexist tropes tossed his way (especially the one that he’d been “emasculated” married to a strong, out-spoken woman), Harry seems stronger, devotedly focused, delighted with hands-on fatherhood, and thriving inside a powerful, deeply loving partnership.

Perhaps a man’s relationship with women is a key component in redefining masculinity. In their celebrated podcast series, Renegades: Born in the USA — which inspired a bestselling book in 2021 — the conversations of two old friends and brothers-of-the-heart, President Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen, acknowledged the rewards of being married to a spirited, forthright woman, praising the guidance received from their wise and powerful wives. “We were lucky enough,” Obama said, speaking of both men’s lives, “to find remarkable, strong, independent women to push us and challenge us and ground us — and to call us out on our BS.” I could see Prince Harry’s experience in Obama’s words. “Women who helped us,” Obama continued, “become better versions of ourselves and forced us to continually reexamine our priorities.”

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The Space Between

 

"Beyond the Human Species" by Patricia Albere

There is a “betweenness” to these consciousness-shifting times we’re living in, to borrow a phrase psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist used in his unique study of our divided brain and how each “hemisphere” shapes our perception. The author of The Master and the Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World (2009) sees that the left and right hemispheres of the brain have competing visions of reality: the left hemisphere focuses on the details (good at organizing categories, not so good at seeing the whole, considered the male side of the brain); the right hemisphere focuses on the big picture (good at making connections between things, creating ideas, being empathetic, considered the female side.) Both hemispheres of the brain are essential, of course, and to be our most productive and compassionate selves we need a balance of both—the rational and the creative.

An example is McGilchrist’s scientific approach to explain music in which, simply put, the left hemisphere recognizes the notes, the right hemisphere recognizes the gaps, and it’s the gaps between the notes that make the music—the “betweenness.” It takes both sides, both hemispheres of the brain, working together to have harmony...in music and in life.

McGilchrist suggests we’re living in a world dominated by the left hemisphere—the part of us less likely to take the “humanistic view.” We see that occurring in our current angry, incendiary world. “Broadly speaking,” McGilchrist shared in an interview on Hidden Brain on National Public Radio (NPR), “the right hemisphere is more emotionally literate. It reads emotional expression, feels suffering…understanding another person’s point of view, what it feels like to be that person. However, there are some emotions that are more particularly associated with the left hemisphere. Perhaps the most striking one is anger, which happens to be the most lateralized of all emotions.” McGilchrist acknowledges this may be an over-simplification, but given the left hemisphere is always about accomplishing the immediate task in front of it, so “if it encounters any opposition, it’s dismissive, and it becomes enraged.”

We are a world out of harmony. And with no harmony, we have a compassion disconnect, empathy is lost. What will it take to bring our brains back into balance so the right hemisphere—the part more likely to take the “humanistic view”—can be a dynamic part of our world again? What will it take to create a world where we all live as though we truly believe, as Irish novelist Colum McCann once observed, that “an ounce of empathy is worth a boatload of judgment”; a world where we can live in the delicate, harmonic balance of “betweenness”—where being empathetic is as natural for human beings as breathing. How do we bring the feminine and masculine, the right brain and left brain, the entire human community back into balance? We’re all yearning for the inner peace that comes with a world in balance. Where do we find the opening? 

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