{The un-Fashion of Weddings}

When I worked at Vogue in the 1970s, you would have never seen a headline in the magazine like these that I’ve recently read online at Vogue Daily: “Dream Wedding Inspiration” or “The 41 Most Memorable Model Weddings” or “How To Surprise Your Groom on the Wedding Day” or “Is It Ever Okay to Tell A Bride You Don’t Like Her Dress?” or any number of Vogue’s image-rich reports of beautiful weddings and their fanciful designer gowns. Weddings were simply not fashionable news in the 1970s! (And if you’ve read my latest book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride, you’ll know why—plus learn lots of fascinating bits of bridal history!)

However, since the 1980s (since Lady Diana Spencer’s royal nuptials as well as Martha Stewart’s reinvention of entertaining) weddings have been back in the news—fashion, society, even business news! And the trend is even more ubiquitous today. Perhaps it’s part of our modern “media culture” and its penchant for broadcasting all things personal: our ‘need’ to be seen, to be known, to be in the spotlight—our selfie-ness.

If you’ve been involved in planning a wedding in the last three decades or so, then you’ve been part of this “fashion”—designer gowns, designer cakes, designer favors. Nonetheless, ‘tis important to remember that weddings are about relationships. So in an attempt to be “fashionable,” let’s not forget the things that never go out of fashion! Like kindness. As the Persian poet Rumi shared long ago: “Your acts of kindness are iridescent wings.” (Très chic!) ~

[Photograph courtesy of Vogue Daily]

{Victoria's Choice}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 

I thought you’d enjoy my article, “Victoria’s Choice,” just published in the winter issue of Season Magazine. Click here to read it from the online magazine...and I’ve reprinted it below as well. ’Tis an excerpt from my new book The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding.

VICTORIA'S CHOICE

If you know one thing about wedding gown history, I would wager that it has something to do with Queen Victoria beginning the fashion for brides wearing white. (And now, thanks to her, it has been a tradition of sorts for 175 years.) But I would also wager that most people don’t know the real reason the 20-year-old monarch broke the precedent set by earlier royal brides—“dressed in their usual cloths of silver or gold”—and chose the color white for her wedding gown. Victoria even chose a crown of fanciful, yet wax orange blossoms instead of one of her dazzling diamond diadems!

Her choices have been regarded as representing simplicity, modesty and purity—and indeed the young queen was sentimental with an “uncluttered fashion preference,” according to costume historian Kay Staniland. However, Victoria was deeply in love, and this became her guiding inspiration for her wedding attire. Therefore, with much consideration—taking into account her duty, her position and her subjects—“the queen decided to make her marriage vows to her ‘precious Angel’ as his future wife rather than as the monarch,” wrote V & A museum curator Edwina Ehrman. So Victoria not only opted against wearing the ornate silver and gold of royalty, but also her regal “crimson velvet robe of state” feeling “it would only emphasize her seniority, and overshadow the role of her future husband,” Staniland added.

Victoria’s all-white bridal costume may have been without the usual glittering royal accoutrements, but it “was actually exquisite and of great value,” explained Maria McBride-Mellinger, author of The Wedding Dress. Underscoring “patriotic spending,” the queen commissioned her country’s renowned textile artisans. The rich silk satin for the gown and its 18-foot court train was woven in Spitalfields and the beautiful, lyrically-patterned lace for her veil and gown embellishments was hand made by two hundred women in a Devon village employed for eight months. The only color Victoria wore was near her heart: a large, brilliant blue sapphire brooch which had been Prince Albert’s wedding gift to her.

On the day of the wedding, Victoria’s adoring subjects happily received their queen’s choices, cheering her carriage on its way to the Chapel Royal at St. James’s Palace. Dressed in these creamy shades of white and tufts of orange blossom, I doubt that Victoria had a sense of the remarkably romantic lineage she was about to inaugurate. Nor could she ever know that her queenly exemplar: “Keep your relationship top priority,” would make fine advice for today’s busy wedding-planning brides. 

It seems for this young bride (who just happened to be ruler of an empire), that it came down to choosing the feelings of her future husband over her own ego. Victoria’s heart-centered choice changed bridal history and, in turn, illuminated the supreme sovereignty of a woman in love. ~

[Enjoy your own copy of The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding....easy to order from Amazon with a speedy delivery!] 

{Thank You Notes}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
"Gratitude is the memory of the heart" a wise French scholar once said. And being grateful expresses the tenderest parts of ourselves. So what about those wedding "Thank You" notes? No excuses like "you're too busy" or "they're old-fashioned"—writing thank-you notes for gifts and favors and assistance you've received are as essential to your wedding planning duties as ordering the invitations, selecting the cake, or finding the perfect dress!

The editors of Martha Stewart Weddings devoted an entire section to "How to Write a Thank-You Note" ... and here's what they said about getting started:

In the afterglow of a wedding, it can be a joy to write thank-you notes expressing heartfelt gratitude for the gifts you've received. But no matter how genuine your feelings, keeping the sentiment meaningful from one note to the next takes focus and creativity. Plus, you need to be somewhat organized to get the messages completed in a timely fashion.

Continuing with tips about "getting organized," "keeping track," and "what should the notes look like," the magazine editors also remind you that "feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it!" Need I say more?

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

[Top quote from Jean Baptiste Massieu, bottom quote from William Arthur Ward; images from Martha Stewart Weddings.]

{A Meandering Path}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 

I always find my customers and audiences curious about the origin of wedding rituals: tossing the garter; exchanging rings; the “something old, something new” rhyme; the bride’s bouquet. These are rituals and traditions so familiar, even comforting, that we’ve accepted them into our modern celebrations—yet a mystery remains.

Their origins are hazy; different societies added different meanings and their practice usually took a meandering path through the centuries, making some hard to trace. Wedding traditions, as author Carol McD. Wallace shares, have “complicated roots.” That’s why I consider wedding rituals come from sacred legends or a kind of fairy tale: folklore from our heritage revealing itself a bit mysteriously.

Whatever rituals and traditions you use in your wedding ceremony—whether in a gilded cathedral or grand synagogue, on some lofty mountaintop or in a serene garden—choose ones that touch your heart, light up your relationship, and move you to deeper expressions of love.

Love. Listen. Let go.

….with love from Cornelia

[This is excerpted from my new book, The End ofthe Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess DianaRescued the Great White Wedding.]

[Photograph courtesy of Vogue.]

{Bring Intimacy Back to Weddings}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 

“Weddings are increasingly notable for their amazing lack of intimacy, their evolution into industry,” commentator Jacki Lyden wrote in a report for NPR several years ago. And in our overly-commercialized, up-noised, garish culture, I share this idea over and over in an attempt to urge couples to “look inside” and follow their hearts first when planning their wedding.

In my book for same-sex couples (The Handkerchief Has Been Thrown!—just re-published in print form), I remind the reader of this dilemma. Suggesting ways to return intimacy to the wedding celebration, I encourage gay and lesbian couples to not just follow the fashion of “traditional” weddings, but to set a new standard inspiring all ceremonies to be more real and from the heart.

Unfortunately, Bridal Expos—those big gatherings that bring wedding vendors together with potential brides, grooms and assorted entourages—tend to boost the commercial, big-sexy-party aspect of modern weddings. (I was invited to have a book signing at a first-of-its-kind Same-Sex Wedding Expo recently. Aaaargh!! The epitome of “lack of intimacy.” Please guys, you can do better!)

Whether you’re marrying a man or a woman; whether your wedding is teensy-tiny or ballroom huge; whether you’re on a mountaintop or in a grand cathedral, you may want to hear what journalist S. Bryan Lowder has to say:  “I’m a gay man who wants to get married. But how do I have a wedding that’s not so … straight?” In other words, you don’t have to copy-cat the matchy-matchy, ho-hum aesthetic of many mainstream weddings—trends that have squeezed all the depth and intimacy out of the ceremony and celebratory festivities.

So, planning a wedding? Just don’t forget to bring your good taste, good sense, and especially your good heart along with you!

Love. Listen. Let go.

…with love from Cornelia

[Couples photograph: Courtesy of Martha Stewart Weddings]

The Handkerchief Has Been Thrown! 

Something Old & Something New for Same-Sex Couples 

is available on Amazon.

{Victoria's Choice}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 
If you know one thing about “wedding gown history,” I would wager that it has something to do with Queen Victoria starting the fashion for brides to wear white. (And now, thanks to Victoria, it has been a tradition for 175 years.) But I would also wager that most people don’t know the real reason the 20-year-old monarch broke the precedent set by earlier royal brides (who usually wore cloths of silver or gold) and chose the color white—she even chose a wax orange blossom crown instead of a dazzling diamond diadem!

Her choice has been regarded as representing simplicity, modesty and purity—and indeed the young queen was sentimental and had an “uncluttered fashion preference,” according to costume historians. However, Victoria was deeply in love, and this became her guiding inspiration for her wedding attire. So with much consideration—taking into account her duty, her position and her subjects—nonetheless, “the queen decided to make her marriage vows to her ‘precious Angel’ as his future wife rather than as the monarch,” wrote curator Edwina Ehrman. Or as author Kay Staniland explained: Victoria decided “her role on her wedding day was primarily that of a bride” and opted against, not only wearing the silver and gold of royalty, but also chose not to wear her queenly crimson velvet robe of state, feeling “it would only emphasize her seniority, and overshadow the role of her future husband.” (And come the day of the wedding, Victoria’s adoring subjects happily received their queen’s choices!) 

Whatever you choose to wear on your wedding day, keep your relationship your first priority…and let the frills of fashion follow that. (It’s the queenly thing to do!) Of course you’re going to look beautiful…because a woman in love becomes her own spotlight.

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

[This post inspired by my new book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding ... available at Amazon. I think you will enjoy it!]

{Restoring Intimacy}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 

When a bride puts her attention mostly on the glamour, glitz and overly romantic “pomp,” it can drown out any intimacy at her wedding and in her relationship. “Weddings are increasingly notable for their amazing lack of intimacy, their evolution into industry,” National Public Radio commentator Jacki Lyden stated in her story, “Spectacle of Matrimony,” leading up to the wedding of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky in the summer of 2010. In our celebrity-driven, appearance-crazed culture, weddings have “evolved into must-haves and appointment-list mega-spectacles,” Lyden continued.

But it’s not impossible, even in large celebrity weddings, to have a beautiful and intimate event when the attention to detail also includes focusing on connections of the heart. Just remember Kate Middleton and Prince William’s wedding the following spring: large and grand, yet you could feel the open-hearted intimacy. It’s all about where you put your attention.

If the wedding-planning swirl takes you away from the heart of your relationship, then take a deep breath—(close your eyes and imagine what it would feel like to breathe love into your heart)—and plan your wedding from that centered, heart-full place. “Where your attention goes, there goes your life.”

Love. Listen. Let go.

…with love from Cornelia


(Above text excerpted from my new book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding. Available on Amazon.com)

{Open Your Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

With all the commercial hype, canned traditions, and tantalizing nonsense out there, it’s an extra daunting time for whomever is planning a wedding—whether it’s the bride, her mother or both! So several years ago, I created “Open Your Heart” CDs for these busy, task-oriented women. Not only as a way to support their ease and well-being, but the short, guided relaxations were also designed to help their choices come from the heart. (I’ve been to so many weddings where the character, soul and intimacy have been squeezed out of the wedding day because of the stress to “get it right” instead of relaxing and simply “sharing your love.”) 

 

So I introduced my CDs —a version for brides and another for all women—at one of those big, splashy bridal extravaganzas. During the afternoon event in the hotel’s grand ballroom, my team and I greeted the rush of visitors—hundreds of brides with their wedding entourage in tow. And for those brides, mothers and members of the wedding party who paused at our booth, I shared the benefits of slowing down during their wedding planning time for a few moments of relaxation and ease. (You’ll “feel better” and “look more beautiful”—and with some of the brides I threw in “have better sex” to really get their attention!) Some of the brides-to-be looked rather bewildered when I mentioned “relaxation,” reacting with words like: “I’m just too busy/tense/crazed to slow down and relax!” Hmmmmm.



As many thousands of brides as I had worked with over the years in my former shop by the time I did this event, I figured I’d be met with some resistance to the notion “that being calm and not reactive” equaled  happier relationships. (So the nature of the reactions I received certainly didn’t bode well for peaceful marriages and family life ahead.) Nevertheless, it wasn’t surprising that just as many of the mothers of future brides and grooms spoke up with: “I’m the one who needs this CD!”

I think we can all use support in slowing down, relaxing, and bringing ease to our bodies, mind and spirit no matter the tasks we’ve taken on. As the wise Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh prompts us: “Breathe, smile and go slowly.” (And I say, a more beautiful bride is a more relaxed, in-her-heart bride!)

Find a way to ease your noisy mind...remember, deeeeeeep easy breaths. Create your own ritual of stillness—a meditative womanly ritual for deep relaxation—one that would be a gift of heart-opening ease (a gift to you, to him, to all!) Even if it’s only five minutes of quiet solitude a day: in the early morning before your busy day begins or as an afternoon break; after a bath to continue your relaxation or before bed to support deep rest. Find your quiet hub; find your inner stillness. Open your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs: J Nichols Photography]

{Being Old-Fashioned, Downton Abbey Style}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

One of my favorite bridal historians, British writer Ann Monsarrat, talked about how old “innocent superstitions...just for fun” became wedding “traditions” in Victorian times. Although most wedding customs have ancient roots back to the days of arranged marriages (like “the superstition that the bride and groom should not meet on their wedding day until they do so at the altar”), it was the sentimental Victorians who made them part of the “rules” of wedding etiquette. And even if a tad old-fashioned, some traditions stayed around while others disappeared in the regimented practicality guiding many weddings today.

It reminds me of the episode of Downton Abbey in season three when Martha Levinson, Cora’s very avant garde American mother played by Shirley Maclaine, arrives for Lady Mary’s wedding. At dinner the night before the ceremony, Violet, the other grandmother (Maggie Smith’s witty character, the proper Dowager Countess) tells Martha that Matthew won’t be dining with them since it’s “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride. Martha teases them about following such old-fashioned notions: “It’s 1920 for heaven’s sake!”

However, old-fashioned or not, keeping some traditions just brings out the sweetness in us! Remember the Downton Abbey scene later that night when Matthew slips into the Abbey to apologize to Mary and—with her slightly opened bedroom door between them—asks for a reconciliation kiss. After a pause, Mary softens and smiles: “Only if you close your eyes…it’s bad luck to see me before the wedding.” (He does, she doesn’t, and they seem even more in love when they meet at the altar the next morning!)

Now I can appreciate the benefits of being practical as much as the next fellow; and I understand that the current practice of taking photographs of all the wedding party before the ceremony is indeed “practical.” But don’t you think it spoils some of the romantic mystery?

Ann Monsarrat told this charming “groom not seeing the bride” story around the 1893 wedding of a future king and queen: 

…when Princess May of Teck and the Duke of York caught sight of each other from opposite ends of one of the long, long corridors of Buckingham Palace on their marriage morning, they took it as a happy sign. They were a constrained couple, always writing to explain how much they loved each other and apologising that they could not actually say so; both were warmed by the brief encounter. The Duke, according to Queen Mary’s official biographer ‘swept her a low and courtly bow. This gesture she never forgot.’

Certain old-fashioned notions may be worth saving—especially if they inspire such courtliness and tender memories. And in our “let it all hang out” modern world, they may prove absolutely essential in keeping some of our “mystery” intact—and a woman’s mystery never goes out of fashion and sometimes romance needs a bit of old-fashioned nudging.

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia    

ps: I can’t mention Downton Abbey without reminding you that I’m speaking at the glorious Winterthur Museum next month during their Downton Abbey costume exhibition. Come join me...I think you’ll love my topic: “Vintage Inspiration: The Brides of Downton Abbey."

{Choices of Your Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

“Wearing a wedding gown is so weird,” a bride was quoted in The Bride Revealed, a book by wedding photographer Leslie Barton. “It’s not like any other dress. I felt so grown-up and elegant in it. At the same time, it felt like a costume. Even during my wedding, when I saw my reflection, I was startled. ‘Who is that?’ It’s such an important transformation, from the usual jeans and T-shirt to a formal wedding gown. I felt it strengthened the commitment, that what I said on this day would be with me for the rest of my life.”

This bride reveals something that you might soon find out for yourself. That your wedding gown, and all the other rituals you use for your wedding—the music, flowers, exchange of rings, even your vows—are all outward expressions of your inner self. They are a reflection of what you hold in your heart and meant to, as this bride shared, “strengthen your commitment” to all you hold dear.

And you thought your wedding dress was only to make you look like a dream! It’s not only a “transformation from jeans to formal gown,” but also a transformation of your heart—deepening your commitment to your best self. Make the things you choose for your wedding, choices of your “big old beautiful open heart!”

Love. Listen. Let go.

....with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Leslie Barton]

{Truly Divine}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
As you are choosing flowers for your wedding, remember that the sense of smell is considered “the most ancient and magical sense, acting as a sort of sensual medium between heaven and earth,” according to author Christopher Bamford. “A scent or perfume was thought to express the inner essence or spiritual nature of a thing,” he added. Therefore using fragrant flowers for your wedding is like sharing something truly divine!

Use your wedding planning time to express your inner essence. When you feel yourself getting stressed or when your “to do” list keeps getting longer, pause…take a quiet moment for yourself and do this little exercise:

• Close your eyes and take several slow, deep breaths ... putting your attention within, gently and slowly breathe in and out until you find your center.
• Once feeling more centered, now imagine roots from the bottoms of your feet sinking deep into the Earth, grounding you.
• With this sense of feeling more centered and grounded, imagine your heart opening ... and opening even wider with each easy, deep breath.

Now in every gesture and expression you offer to others, give the most generous and grateful version of you—that’s your inner essence! Follow the lead of those fragrant flowers: Don't be stingy with your essence...spritz everyone you meet today with something divine! A heartfelt bit of you....

Love. Listen. Let go...
...with love from Cornelia

[Photography: Daniel Sheenan]

{While Everyone Is Looking}

 

Dear Bride-to-Be:

I thought you would enjoy this reprint of my article in the Winter 2012 issue of SEASON Magazine. (Once online, click the cover image and scroll to page 86.) Or just enjoy below!   

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

I remember as a young associate editor at Vogue magazine in the early 1970s when fashion director Polly Mellen—famous for starting international style trends—told me she wore black to a friend’s wedding. Once I caught my breath I responded: “I don’t think it’s a trend that’ll catch on!”There was a time—hard to believe now with the ubiquitous black bridesmaid dresses—that wearing black to a wedding (as a guest or bridal attendant) was unheard of since black had long been considered the color of mourning in our culture.  

 

I may have been wrong about the future popularity of wearing black to weddings and perhaps a bit old-fashioned in this anything goes modern world, but sometimes what’s “appropriate” is also what’s most“attractive.” And maybe I’m stepping on toes here, but black is not a color that looks good on everybody, it doesn’t photograph well (haven’t you seen photographs of bridal attendants where it’s mostly a black blob?) and it’s just not a happy color! (Aren’t weddings about celebration?)

 

Another wedding fashion trend not on my favorites list is the obsession for strapless gowns. (Although I believe when a “trend” lasts longer than most marriages, it becomes a “classic” whether we like it or not!) I understand the strapless appeal in our over-sized, over-casual, over-sexy world: without shoulders and sleeves, it can be an easy fit for all sizes, comfortable to move around in and yes, even glamorous—décolletage is in!

However, in an effort to save us from ourselves, I’ve written articles and blog posts for many years with titles like “Consider Not Wearing a Strapless Dress, Unless…” explaining how when you move, your strapless gown doesn’t necessarily move with you, nor does it camouflage anything and it exposes much more than you ever imagined. But it’s not even the underarms, the explosion of breasts or having to stare at bare backs during the wedding service; it’s that ugly “tug.”

I’ve seen brides and bridesmaids—who have great poise otherwise and look good in their strapless gown (from most angles)—do that awkwardly unattractive underarm “yank and tug” like they’re in the privacy of the ladies’ room instead of while everyone’s actually looking on! I understand that the gown feels like it’s falling off, but if brides don’t want their wedding remembered for such “oops” moments, then maybe every strapless gown should come with a must-read “code of conduct” before wearing.

(Although there was no correlation in the strapless trend and the closing of my bridal art-to-wear shop in Atlanta at the end of 1999, but my designers did vow to strike if they had to make one more strapless gown!)
 

All that said, every generation has their share of “How could I have done that?” kind of trends. Maybe it’ll be okay if we make choices as best we can and just hope there’s no cell phone camera around at those awkward moments when we assume no one is looking! (And with the high divorce rate, you think it’s true all that black worn at weddings does indeed deliver ominous wishes for the bride and groom?) Even more than ever, it’s a brave new world! ~

[Definitely no "ugly tugs" seen in above beautiful photographs by J Nichols Photo]

{Attending a Bride}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
     In preparing for my upcoming book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride (about surprising ways Princess Diana exposed romantic myths that women still hold on to), I read how Elizabeth and David Emanuel, co-designers of her famously sumptuous royal wedding gown, developed a strong bond with Diana. They became personal confidantes in addition to her main wardrobe advisors.

     In my experience working with thousands of brides in my former bridal art-to-wear shop in Atlanta in the 1980s and 90s, I understand how that happens—and how special it can be for the bride-to-be! Here’s an excerpt from my book (to be released next year) that shares about this uniquely feminine and intimate relationship:

For my customers, the gown fittings at my shop gave the bride a chance to “cocoon” a bit; escape into the dreamy, feminine world of silks and laces and be the center of attention. She could tell her story to a rapt audience of designers and costume advisors as well as hear my folklore tales of wedding history. In this secluded haven, the bride could be away from the more mundane decisions in her regular world, and receive counseling and reassurance while freely expressing herself with this new comforting and attentive community of women.

My intention was for the bride’s fittings to be nurturing and self-reflecting experiences; an occasion for the bride-to-be to stand in the midst of her rite-of-passage and “find herself”—becoming more centered and grounded as she learned about her bridal legacy. And in so doing, be reminded that during all the wedding hoopla, the key was to keep her attention on her relationships: her relationship with her heart, with her family, with her partner, and

what they were building together.

   I hope that as a bride you have a chance to enjoy your own “royal” version of escaping into the dreamy, feminine world of silks and laces and be the center of attention. Look for relationships with wedding professionals that nurture and honor you. Be sure that you are lovingly attended to. And have people around that will gently remind you what’s at the heart of the relationship you and your partner are building together. That’s what being attended to is all about!

 

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia
 
[Bottom Photograph: Jason Hudson]

[Stay tuned for news of the release of my new book: THE END OF THE FAIRY-TALE BRIDE: Princess Diana’s Legacy Reframed {Shattering the Princess Myth & Freeing the Damsel in Distress}]

{Tying the Knot}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
As you're preparing for your wedding, you will hear and see lots of familiar "wedding expressions" in your daily routine that are actually rooted in the past. Like "tie the knot"....

You've probably heard some of the stories of its origin: how a couple would tie a rope or scarf in a ceremonial knot as a wedding ritual, symbolizing their connection and faith to each other. Perhaps you know of someone who has used a version of the ritual in their ceremony.

But did you know that the original ceremony -- from the ancient Celtic culture -- was a very intricate weaving that would entwine the couple's hands within the knot at the same time? This Celtic love knot pattern consists of complete loops that have neither a beginning nor an end. It was difficult to do and took a lot of practice by the couple, becoming like a meditative rehearsal for intimacy. The purpose was not only to create a "symbol" of the continuance of life and love, but was actually to help create or deepen an intimate bond between the couple.

Imagine doing this ceremony with your beloved: you are standing face to face; you feel the cording on your skin as it connects the two of you together; your hands become entwined; you are drawn even closer as you look into the eyes of your beloved, that intimate moment of looking into the "mirror of your soul" through another.

This is the purpose of all ancient wedding rituals: to create an intimacy of connection for the couple; to connect hearts for a lifetime. And the wisdom of the Celtic love knot ceremony takes it even deeper: entwining the heart of your relationship for inner-growth and self-discovery ... and the experience of practicing unending love together. Relationships don't always last, but the love that brings people together can indeed be everlasting with a little bit of practice.

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

 [Photographs: April Groom]

{Thank You!}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
There simply cannot be too many thank-yous spoken in the world. (Nor too many hearts full of love!) Many people assisted you in getting to your wedding day...keep the generosity and gratitude going. Say “thank you” to the first and last person you see today—and everyone in-between—and really mean it.

Notice how a little from-the-heart “thank you” lights people up. In fact, make it your job to light people up today. “Thank you!”—it feels great. And you’re the one who just might get the biggest reward.

“Gratitude is what returns us to love,” writer Lisa Clapier reminds us, and love is abundantly endless. You won’t run out—just keep giving it away!

Have your wedding be remembered for the gifts everyone else takes home—your love and gratitude.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Brian Wagner]

{True Love-Knots}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Here’s a romantic “something blue” idea! Make a “Love Knot Bow” to wear pinned to your wedding day lingerie out of narrow blue ribbons: tiny loops with knotted streamers called “true-love knots.” There is an ancient legend that the Danish phrase meaning “I plight thee my troth”—used in early wedding vows—was the origin of the expression “true-love knots.” As far as legends go, one might say that “true love” is untying all the knots to your lover’s heart!

And just a little reminder. If your love is indeed true, then it comes with a heart full of forgiveness. Love can get “tangled” at times, but as wise voices tell us: When we learn how to forgive, then we learn how to love.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

ps: this is an excerpt from my book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself.

[Photograph: Lacour Photography]

{Pocket-Full of Love}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Are you planning to have a “sixpence in your shoe” or perhaps a “penny in your pocket” on your wedding day? Or maybe, like a lot of practical modern brides who like to follow some of the quaint old customs, you will tuck a lucky coin of some sort into your wedding purse!

History tells us that the first coins date back almost 3000 years, used by people who live in the area now known as Turkey. So if you use an old or new coin of any origin, you’re bringing a long lineage of riches and abundance into your wedding day from around the world!

But whether you use an old or new coin—or a dime or a franc—as your bridal token of abundance, remember that it’s only a “token.” True abundance is a full heart of love that you give away unconditionally and receive completely.

Now, that’s a pocket-full of riches!

Love. Listen. Let go.
... with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Julie Mikos]

{Wedding Guest of Honor}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Weddings are undeniably about relationships—the relationship of the bride and groom, the couple with their family and friends, the relationship between the two families coming together—even including the bride’s relationship with her special dress.
This is a unique relationship, intriguing to artists and scholars alike, that has been written about over and over through the years. The connection of a bride to her gown is at times poignant, wistful, intimate, joyful—and many times one that can get a bit over-the-top!

California wedding photographer Leslie Barton remarked: “It seems to me the gown is really the guest of honor. It is treated with a delicacy and respect that few humans experience.”

A gentle reminder, dear bride: Love your dress; treasure how it makes you feel, even feel like a princess; celebrate your day; honor your heritage; and treat all of your wedding guests as the “guest of honor”! You’ll feel even more beautiful....

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs: top, Josie Miner and bottom, Jason Hudson]