{Open Your Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

With all the commercial hype, canned traditions, and tantalizing nonsense out there, it’s an extra daunting time for whomever is planning a wedding—whether it’s the bride, her mother or both! So several years ago, I created “Open Your Heart” CDs for these busy, task-oriented women. Not only as a way to support their ease and well-being, but the short, guided relaxations were also designed to help their choices come from the heart. (I’ve been to so many weddings where the character, soul and intimacy have been squeezed out of the wedding day because of the stress to “get it right” instead of relaxing and simply “sharing your love.”) 

 

So I introduced my CDs —a version for brides and another for all women—at one of those big, splashy bridal extravaganzas. During the afternoon event in the hotel’s grand ballroom, my team and I greeted the rush of visitors—hundreds of brides with their wedding entourage in tow. And for those brides, mothers and members of the wedding party who paused at our booth, I shared the benefits of slowing down during their wedding planning time for a few moments of relaxation and ease. (You’ll “feel better” and “look more beautiful”—and with some of the brides I threw in “have better sex” to really get their attention!) Some of the brides-to-be looked rather bewildered when I mentioned “relaxation,” reacting with words like: “I’m just too busy/tense/crazed to slow down and relax!” Hmmmmm.



As many thousands of brides as I had worked with over the years in my former shop by the time I did this event, I figured I’d be met with some resistance to the notion “that being calm and not reactive” equaled  happier relationships. (So the nature of the reactions I received certainly didn’t bode well for peaceful marriages and family life ahead.) Nevertheless, it wasn’t surprising that just as many of the mothers of future brides and grooms spoke up with: “I’m the one who needs this CD!”

I think we can all use support in slowing down, relaxing, and bringing ease to our bodies, mind and spirit no matter the tasks we’ve taken on. As the wise Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh prompts us: “Breathe, smile and go slowly.” (And I say, a more beautiful bride is a more relaxed, in-her-heart bride!)

Find a way to ease your noisy mind...remember, deeeeeeep easy breaths. Create your own ritual of stillness—a meditative womanly ritual for deep relaxation—one that would be a gift of heart-opening ease (a gift to you, to him, to all!) Even if it’s only five minutes of quiet solitude a day: in the early morning before your busy day begins or as an afternoon break; after a bath to continue your relaxation or before bed to support deep rest. Find your quiet hub; find your inner stillness. Open your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs: J Nichols Photography]

{Truly Divine}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
As you are choosing flowers for your wedding, remember that the sense of smell is considered “the most ancient and magical sense, acting as a sort of sensual medium between heaven and earth,” according to author Christopher Bamford. “A scent or perfume was thought to express the inner essence or spiritual nature of a thing,” he added. Therefore using fragrant flowers for your wedding is like sharing something truly divine!

Use your wedding planning time to express your inner essence. When you feel yourself getting stressed or when your “to do” list keeps getting longer, pause…take a quiet moment for yourself and do this little exercise:

• Close your eyes and take several slow, deep breaths ... putting your attention within, gently and slowly breathe in and out until you find your center.
• Once feeling more centered, now imagine roots from the bottoms of your feet sinking deep into the Earth, grounding you.
• With this sense of feeling more centered and grounded, imagine your heart opening ... and opening even wider with each easy, deep breath.

Now in every gesture and expression you offer to others, give the most generous and grateful version of you—that’s your inner essence! Follow the lead of those fragrant flowers: Don't be stingy with your essence...spritz everyone you meet today with something divine! A heartfelt bit of you....

Love. Listen. Let go...
...with love from Cornelia

[Photography: Daniel Sheenan]

{A Handkerchief for Your Wedding} Part Three: "Soft Sighs & Deep Breaths"

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Handkerchiefs and weddings—along with the likes of languid moments, love and courtship, soft sighs, and “taking one’s breath away”—have a long poetic history together. And if you were lucky enough to have a close relation skilled with a needle (and many people did up until the middle of last century), then you’d have your own special handmade wedding handkerchief to sigh over. Perhaps made from near translucent Belgium linen or fine cotton from Portugal with a lush border of rose point bobbin lace for her and for him, a spacious, white lawn handkerchief with hand-rolled edges and embroidered with his initials.
 
Beautifully fetching handkerchiefs may evoke a more leisurely era as well as their costumed weddings; however, there’s a romantic melodrama that spins around weddings of any era. Weddings of the past and present are like a microcosmic slice of real life magnified and when planning a wedding (no matter how small or quickly assembled—even if it’s “Let’s hurry over to the courthouse!”), emotions swirl and time seems to speed up and slow down all at the same time. In our hurry-up world, whatever the occasion, maybe we need to stop and sigh every now and then. Oh, not for any melancholia—but just to enjoy the beautiful, take-your-breath-away blessing that life is.

When I had my bridal shop years ago, to help my customers ease the pace, relax into their bodies, and enjoy their rite-of-passage ahead, I would tell stories taken from wedding folklore, adding my own twists with a bit of goddess legend and mystical mythology woven in. I didn’t wave a hanky for dramatic effect, but I did take slow, unhurried breaths—with exhales not unlike a sigh—and soon my listeners were breathing deeper as well; they became more relaxed, even more sympathetic to mother or daughter or partner or whomever appeared as the source of their anxiety. Sometimes we miss life’s magic if we don’t slow down (letting go of the drama) and take a deep, long, easy breath.

So keep a pretty handkerchief handy—even if just as a reminder to take a few soft, languid moments to look within and refresh, relax and regroup.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Handkerchief images: Karen Augusta]

{Five Minutes to Ease}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Yes, you’ve heard me say over and over how important it is to have a little quiet reverie in your day during your busy wedding planning time. And you’ve said, “I want to, but just don’t have the time!”

Okay, try this. And don’t add it to your “to do” list—a list that’s much too long anyway! And don’t think of it as “something else to do,” but more like a luscious gift to give yourself. Just say: “I’m taking care of myself inside and out today!” (And did you know that when you are more relaxed and centered, you are also more creative and loving?)

Start now...it only takes five minutes, or less. YOU deserve it!

Sitting quietly with your eyes closed and breathing through your nose, count each deep, slow inhale (one) and long, soft exhale (two), inhale (three), exhale (four); continue slowly until you get to thirty. And if you lose count, just start over at number one. (Like planning your wedding, it’s not a race to the finish line; it’s a journey to enjoy as you explore your true heart’s desire....which tends to show up inside that inner quiet.)

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Cheryl Wiles of arisit i]

{Springtime Inspiration}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
From ancient goddess folklore comes the story of Brigit -- also known as Bride in the Gaelic form -- who was considered the maiden goddess of springtime. Doesn't it makes perfect sense that an origin of our bridal traditions comes from the essence of spring: an abundant, life-giving time of renewal and beauty? And it's a glorious season to have a wedding!

If you are a bride during this new growth, shades-of-green season, then your inspirations come touched with goddess magic and love.

And as I continue my blog sabbatical to focus on finishing my new book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride, I call on this womanly, goddess-like support and beautiful, renewing energy of springtime as well...and I use deep, easy breaths to help my work, well, bloom!

Give it try: Take a deep, slow breath...then another 'n another...and feel the ease and comfort it brings. Whenever you are having your wedding, the pleasure of it all increases if you slow down, find some quiet time, and take luscious, easy, deep breaths and enjoy the beauty of the season...and you'll be more present for your wedding.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

ps: While I continue to work on my new book, I'd love for you to take a look at my other book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself. Brides of all ages and "seasons" have enjoyed its stories and message ever since Amazon released it to best seller reviews! Women say they learn things they never knew about weddings, being a bride, and how to enjoy the experience even more. And when you order the book using these links, you'll receive free gifts: two relaxation CDs and a vintage six-pence to bring abundance! Ahhhh...the gifts of springtime!

pps: I'll keep you posted on the progress of The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride...its release planned for later this year!

[Photograph: Ian Grant]

{The Wish-Fulfilling Tree & the Princess Bride}

Dear Bride-To-Be:
Did you ever read the book or see the film, The Princess Bride? I thought you'd enjoy a post on my "End of the Fairy-Tale Bride" blog that shares the deeper meanings that this fairy tale presents. Sharing the ancient story of the magical "wish-fulfilling tree," it's a reminder that when we trust the messages of our inner spirit -- our intuitive wisdom -- then our heart's desire comes true. (And it may be different from what your mind imagined!)

When you're a bride, your woman's intuition is highly enhanced -- so use it! It's like having your very own "wish- fulfilling tree. (Take some deep breaths, look within and listen.) Trust your heart's intuitive lead and you'll be able to see beyond any limitations....

Click here to read the charming mythology of The Princess Bride. (Enjoy its reminder to look a little deeper at things, people, situations...there is always more than what meets the eye! And be ready to be enchanted.)

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

ps: The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride is also the name of my upcoming book...due for release next spring. Stay tuned for more news!

{Be Quiet With Yourself}

Dear Bride-To-Be:

The Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran told the world about a hundred years ago that “your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.” Now I know there is a lot of hustle ’n bustle around planning a wedding, and oddly enough, it doesn’t always include the language of the heart. Sometimes the pressure builds and harsh words are spoken. So perhaps if you included more “silence” as the poet says, words of love become the main language!

Conversations With God author Neale Donald Walsch advises us to cultivate the ability to listen to and learn the language of your heart...and let there be quiet:

Listen to your heart. Practice it. Produce it. Perfect it. It is not that difficult. Just be quiet with yourself. And for heaven’s sake, stop listening to your mind. You will not find the truth there. You may find the answer, but it will not be the truth unless it coincides with the answer in your heart.

You think there is more to know about life than this, but there is not. Your heart holds the key. Your heart holds the wisdom. Your heart holds the future. Your mind knows nothing but the past. It imagines the future will be just like yesterday, so it makes it decisions based on that. Only your heart can see beyond memory’s horizon.

Take a deep breath and breathe in and out of your heart until you hear the silence. (The practice can be fun...and it’s worth every quiet, productive, heart-full moment.) Then go and have a beautiful, full-of-love wedding and life...with time to be quiet with yourself.
 
Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia
 
[Photograph: The Nichols]

{Easy Does It}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
On your wedding day, set aside a bit of “just for you” meditative time to relax, center yourself and get grounded . . . a moment to simply melt into your heart. For help in relaxing, you can listen to soft music, gently stretch your body, read a favorite love poem, or do a soothing deep-breathing exercise. (Or a combination of all of them!)

As you relax during your little “wedding day reverie,” let go of any noisy thoughts and allow the world to get quieter so you can hear your inner voice. What messages are you hearing? Whatever comes up, just breathe love into it.

Easy does it. As you continue to enjoy your reverie moments, take more deep, slow, soft breaths and relax more deeply and allow your body to remember that sweet moment of “falling in love.” Breathe in the feeling so you can recreate it fresh and new—and take that feeling with you throughout the day. Share it with friends, family, strangers.

Like love, weddings are about inclusion. Be the goddess of love today!

Love, listen, let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Jason Hudson]

{Time Is Breath}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Planning a wedding is a busy time – whether you’re doing it all by yourself or in partnership with your mother, sister, friends or fiancé. Everything gets amplified during wedding planning; your to-do list keeps growing and there just never seems to be enough time! 

So do you want to know the secret to having more time? Slow down and breathe!

The more stressed you are, the tighter your body gets, the more shallow your breathing becomes – and it appears that there is not enough space or time. And the tension cycle continues! So the pleasure of planning your wedding suffers – and perhaps some of your relationships suffer as well – and your overall health and happiness pay a heavy price.

There are lots of great tips out there from relaxation experts and meditation gurus to help you learn how to slow down, be more attentive and take deeper, fuller, longer more relaxing – even healing – breaths. (See a suggestion below.) But right this moment, as you’re reading, do this:
Inhale through your nose slowly, deeply, softly, gently – and hold; what do you notice? Release your breath, exhaling through your nose slowly, deeply, softly, gently – and hold; what do you notice?

As you go about your day, keep noticing your breath and if you feel you’re holding it when you’re tense or taking shallow breaths, do the little exercise. Just by putting attention on your breath, you’ll take deeper ones – which also takes better care of you.

Then just notice if your relationship to time has changed – and even if it seems you have more of it! (Breath and time!)

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

ps: “Time is breath” is a quote from Russian teacher G.I. Gurdjieff as cited by Dennis Lewis in his wonderful book Free Your Breath, Free Your Life. Thanks to Dennis for inspiring this post!

[Photograph: Julie Mikos]

{Five-Minutes to Ease}

Dear Bride-to-be:
Yes, you’ve heard me say over and over how important it is to have a little quiet reverie in your day during your busy wedding planning time. And you’ve said, “I want to, but just don’t have the time!”

Okay, try this. And don’t add it to your “to do” list—a list that’s much too long anyway! And don’t think of it as “something else to do,” but more like a luscious gift to give yourself. Just say: “I’m taking care of myself inside and out today!” (And did you know that when you are more relaxed and centered, you are also more creative and loving?)

Start now...it only takes five minutes, or less. YOU deserve it!

Sitting quietly with your eyes closed and breathing through your nose, count each deep, slow inhale (one) and long, soft exhale (two), inhale (three), exhale (four); continue slowly until you get to thirty. And if you lose count, just start over at number one. (Like planning your wedding, it’s not a race to the finish line; it’s a journey to enjoy as you explore your true heart’s desire....which tends to show up inside that inner quiet.)

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia


[Photo: Cheryl Wiles of arisit i]