{Why Royal Weddings Matter} No. 7: Royal Wedding Redux

Continuing the series for Confluence Daily, “Why Royal Weddings Matter,” we celebrate Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding with a look at a past bridal remembrance, reprinted here:

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Royal Wedding Redux

in British tradition, wedding vows are a morning affair, and if we were to catch the first glimpse of the beautiful bride, we needed to be “front and center” very early. My friends and I were a little old for a slumber party, but as we gathered in our pajamas at 4 a.m. in front of my clunky television in Atlanta, Georgia, the anticipation and giddiness was “ageless.”  It was July 29, 1981, and like millions of people around the world, we prepared to watch the royal wedding of Lady Diana Spencer and Charles, Prince of Wales. (We even had snacks to match the occasion: scones with homemade fig jam and Earl Grey tea with lemon—perhaps to not only feed our early morning hunger, but also some inherent dreams of being a princess.)

As the world welcomes a new “princess” today, we are reminded of another celebrated royal wedding almost four decades ago. It was a landmark event broadcast in 74 countries and watched around the world by over 750 million people—including me and my pajama-party friends!

The moment Diana stepped out of that fairy-tale-inspired glass coach on her wedding morning with endless yards of silk train magically materializing with her—"like seeing a butterfly emerge from its chrysalis,” her gown designers wrote later—she had us hook, line and sinker. Princess Diana did not invent our fascination with royalty, nevertheless, her wedding ushered in a whole new ballgame—and the world was never quite the same.

As the first worldwide media spectacular, and probably the defining event of the eighties—a decade in which style so often trumped substance—the glittering happening brought ceremonial weddings back in style almost overnight. It resurrected the bridal industry from the social upheavals of the previous two decades and set the pace for a new era of fancy wedding hoopla: elaborate designer gowns; staged over-the-top productions; refined Martha Stewart details; and the wedding as a “consumer rite.” (Sound familiar?)

Since the same media blitz followed Diana and Charles’ soap-opera marriage and thorny divorce, many people became wary of fairy tales and princesses. However, the endearing William and Kate, with their dignity and realness, made us fall in love all over again! And, of course, the royal buzz was on once more last fall when charming Prince Harry and lovely Meghan Markle announced their engagement. But there were and are differences.

Like her now sister-in-law Kate Middleton, Meghan is not “blue-blooded” (not even British, yet that will change after she marries the prince), but like what attracted William to Kate, Meghan has other qualities that were more important to Harry. Thanks in part to the princes’ mother cracking open the staid and out-of-touch British monarchy, revealing how “dynastic duty” has little to do with love and happiness, and, to insure they didn’t get boxed-in by the past, insisting her sons have the grounding of real-world experience. All of which helped to free William and Harry to choose to marry from their true heart’s desire. (Tweaking a quote from journalist extraordinaire Tina Brown, who has covered the weddings of Charles and Diana, William and Kate, and now Harry and Meghan: “Everything Diana had wished for her sons has come to pass. They each found the woman who would bring them the personal contentment she lacked.”)

So not only is the return to elegant wedding pageantry part of Diana’s legacy, but her most lasting legacy just may be Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle—and the more egalitarian world available to them as the two young women bring their confident, modern, compassionate and open-minded “princessdom” to a world ready for some genuine graciousness. Thank heavens for royal weddings! Tea, anyone? ~ 

[Excerpts from The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride: For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding … a book for anyone who likes their wedding pageantry tossed with a little fashion history and princess brides! Available on Amazon.]

{Handkerchief-Inspired Wedding Cakes & More!}

Dear Bride-to-Be:  I've made no secret that I love handkerchiefs—especially white, delicately-embroidered vintage ones...and those with a beautifully-stitched, scrolling monogram, well, even better! My former bridal art-to-wear shop in Atlanta was famous for having a fetching selection of vintage handkerchiefs; they're still my favorite personal gift for a bride; one of my Pinterest boards is dedicated to them; and I often write about the charms and indispensability of handkerchiefs in my books and articles! (There is even a three-part series featuring hankies on this blog.)

So of course I was delighted to see this from Martha Stewart: "Wedding Cakes Inspired by Heirloom Handkerchiefs." Each cake design has an heirloom elegance as feminine as the real thing! See Martha's array of delicious-looking cakes—she calls them "sew sweet!"  

Whatever type of cake you choose for your wedding celebration (from old-fashioned motifs to sleekly modern), always choose to have a pretty hanky on hand for happy tears—yours or his or hers!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

ps: My first book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself—the perfect gift for every bride—has at least three stories dedicated to handkerchiefs...including why you should not go down the aisle without one! 

[Top image courtesy of Augusta Auctions; cake image courtesy of Martha Stewart Weddings]

{Thank You Notes}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
"Gratitude is the memory of the heart" a wise French scholar once said. And being grateful expresses the tenderest parts of ourselves. So what about those wedding "Thank You" notes? No excuses like "you're too busy" or "they're old-fashioned"—writing thank-you notes for gifts and favors and assistance you've received are as essential to your wedding planning duties as ordering the invitations, selecting the cake, or finding the perfect dress!

The editors of Martha Stewart Weddings devoted an entire section to "How to Write a Thank-You Note" ... and here's what they said about getting started:

In the afterglow of a wedding, it can be a joy to write thank-you notes expressing heartfelt gratitude for the gifts you've received. But no matter how genuine your feelings, keeping the sentiment meaningful from one note to the next takes focus and creativity. Plus, you need to be somewhat organized to get the messages completed in a timely fashion.

Continuing with tips about "getting organized," "keeping track," and "what should the notes look like," the magazine editors also remind you that "feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it!" Need I say more?

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

[Top quote from Jean Baptiste Massieu, bottom quote from William Arthur Ward; images from Martha Stewart Weddings.]

{Bring Intimacy Back to Weddings}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 

“Weddings are increasingly notable for their amazing lack of intimacy, their evolution into industry,” commentator Jacki Lyden wrote in a report for NPR several years ago. And in our overly-commercialized, up-noised, garish culture, I share this idea over and over in an attempt to urge couples to “look inside” and follow their hearts first when planning their wedding.

In my book for same-sex couples (The Handkerchief Has Been Thrown!—just re-published in print form), I remind the reader of this dilemma. Suggesting ways to return intimacy to the wedding celebration, I encourage gay and lesbian couples to not just follow the fashion of “traditional” weddings, but to set a new standard inspiring all ceremonies to be more real and from the heart.

Unfortunately, Bridal Expos—those big gatherings that bring wedding vendors together with potential brides, grooms and assorted entourages—tend to boost the commercial, big-sexy-party aspect of modern weddings. (I was invited to have a book signing at a first-of-its-kind Same-Sex Wedding Expo recently. Aaaargh!! The epitome of “lack of intimacy.” Please guys, you can do better!)

Whether you’re marrying a man or a woman; whether your wedding is teensy-tiny or ballroom huge; whether you’re on a mountaintop or in a grand cathedral, you may want to hear what journalist S. Bryan Lowder has to say:  “I’m a gay man who wants to get married. But how do I have a wedding that’s not so … straight?” In other words, you don’t have to copy-cat the matchy-matchy, ho-hum aesthetic of many mainstream weddings—trends that have squeezed all the depth and intimacy out of the ceremony and celebratory festivities.

So, planning a wedding? Just don’t forget to bring your good taste, good sense, and especially your good heart along with you!

Love. Listen. Let go.

…with love from Cornelia

[Couples photograph: Courtesy of Martha Stewart Weddings]

The Handkerchief Has Been Thrown! 

Something Old & Something New for Same-Sex Couples 

is available on Amazon.

{A Nurturing First Bite}

Dear Bride-to-Be: 

In my upcoming book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride, I write about the familiar yet rather mysterious ingredients of “the great white wedding.” (Queen Victoria launched its first era and her great-great-great-grandson’s shimmering bride, Princess Diana, revived it in the most memorable of ways nearly a hundred and fifty years later.)

If the centerpiece of this white wedding tradition filled with special costumes and music and flowers became the bride’s gown, then the centerpiece of its wedding reception became the “great white cake.” The first morsels eaten by the just-wed bride and groom were, if not considered sacred, at least symbolic of being nurtured for a full, rich life together. Historically this first bite was during the wedding ceremony itself, like in ancient Roman customs when the “cake” was a simple wheat biscuit. Then over centuries the tasting ritual moved to the reception, as author Barbara Tober described, during Elizabethan weddings when the “cake” was a stack of sweet buns.

However you plan your wedding—and whatever “ingredients” you use for a romantic yet meaningful celebration—be sure your “first bite” is ‘nurturingly’ filled with love and tolerance and good humor and lots of sweet somethings!

Love. Listen. Let go.

….love from Cornelia

ps: Photograph courtesy of Martha Stewart Weddings. (Also, I thought you’d enjoy MSW’s  collection of “best wedding cakes of 2014.”)

pps: The End of the Fair-Tale Bride {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding due out in January 2015!

{Handkerchief Inspired Cakes & Things}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
I've made no secret that I love handkerchiefs -- especially embroidered white vintage ones and those with a beautifully scrolled monogram, even better! My former bridal art-to-wear shop was famous for a fetching selection of them; they're my favorite gift for a bride; one of my Pinterest boards is dedicated to them; and I write about handkerchiefs in my books and articles often! (There is even a three-part series featuring the benefits and magic of hankies on this blog.)

So of course I was delighted to see this from Martha Stewart: "Wedding Cakes Inspired by Heirloom Handkerchiefs." And they are divinely charming, 'natch! See my favorites from Martha's array of delicious-looking cakes on Pinterest, along with other hanky delights sure to inspire your heart.



Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Top image courtesy of Augusta Auctions; bottom image courtesy of Martha Stewart Weddings]

{Dressed In White, Or Not}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
There are so many choices of wedding gowns today now that a plethora of designers are in the business. Once white became the traditional color (beginning almost two hundred years ago with British royalty, but really only becoming “the” color in the middle of last century—the post-war ’50s really loved “the great white wedding”), white gowns became steeped in emotions and dreams and lots of “meaning.”

Wearing white may have become the “tradition,” but there have always been “fashion rebels” (some who wore purple or red gowns; or hot pants and see-through tops) and members of royalty (who at one time wore brocades of silver) and societal “rules” that encouraged some brides—usually to please their mothers—to avoid wearing a shade of “off-white” (if one was hung-up on “virginal” implications!)
 

Now in our Internet-equalizer world there is a near universal popularity of the gown that turns a bride into a “vision in white” and evokes some kind of “princess” tingling down to her toes. Has the color white finally lost any cultural and emotional symbolism and is now just a “pretty preference”?

 

I find that wearing white has always had a ceremonial and regal quality...taking on a kind of goddess-like radiance. (No wonder women love wearing white a bride.) So whatever you wear for your wedding, add your own “meaning” and just be sure that it includes some “I feel gorgeous” tingling down to your toes!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Bryan Gardner for Martha Stewart]

{You Don't Have To Be Someone Else}

 

Dear Bride-to-Be:
"Women are having more fun with fashion in general...and they're bringing that spirit to their weddings," writes a Martha Stewart Weddings blog post called Bridesmaid Dress 101. I love that women are playing with choices and infusing their creativity, passion and good taste into their wedding celebration. "You don't have to become someone else (read more traditional than you are) for that one day," advises designer Peter Som.

And I really like how the designer shares with brides about selecting dresses for their attendants, "Seven Tips for Dressing Your Wedding Party." Each tip is about fashion and looking more beautiful, yet it's wrapped in a bit of wise counsel inspiring a beautifully intuitive life:

• Don't Go Changing
• Please Yourself
• Turn the Lights On (or Off)
• Accessorize Wisely
• Be Sensitive to the Season
• Remember, Prints Have Their Limits
• Consult Mother Nature

I found in these ideas a reminder that everything in life can be a message for your spirit...if you just look beyond the surface and see into the heart of the matter. Now that's really beautiful!

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia



[Photographs: Martha Stewart Weddings]

{A Handkerchief for Your Wedding} Part One: "Keepsake Vows"

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Are you writing your own vows or perhaps rewriting some beautiful old ceremonial text, like from The Book of Common Prayer? The words spoken at a wedding carry more than just promises and declarations, they carry the rhythm and heartbeat of your deeper self. (Don’t dismiss their potential power by not giving them thoughtful consideration.)

Here’s a lovely idea that requires you to put attention on your vows early on. In arrangements made long before your ceremony, calligrapher Anne Elser, using her graceful script, will write your vows in permanent paint on a handkerchief—yours or ones from her vintage collection—so you’ll truly carry the words of your heart with you down the aisle. And, if needed, you’ll have a little “I Do” assistance at the altar as well as a beautiful keepsake.

For those of you who have read my book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself, (or remember my shop from years ago) you’ll know that handkerchiefs—especially fine vintage and antique ones—are dear to me. And I consider a charmingly serviceable hanky a must for every bride (and groom) to carry on their wedding day (for tears, runny noses, moist brows, dewy palms—you get the picture!) So this post begins a new series featuring the practical yet mysterious handkerchief. Revisit here often for bits of folklore that will tickle your heart (and maybe learn a handy-hanky tip or two.)

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

ps: Tune in for “hanky installment” Part Two coming soon!

[Photographs: (top) Josie Miner; (bottom) Martha Stewart Weddings]

{Thank You Notes}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
"Gratitude is the memory of the heart" a wise French teacher once said. And being grateful expresses the tenderest parts of ourselves. So what about those wedding "Thank You" notes? No excuses like "you're too busy" or "they're old-fashioned" -- writing thank-you notes for gifts and favors and assistance you've received are as essential to your wedding planning duties as ordering the invitations, selecting the cake, or finding the perfect dress!

The editors of Martha Stewart Weddings devoted an entire section to "How to Write a Thank-You Note" ... and here's what they said about getting started:

In the afterglow of a wedding, it can be a joy to write thank-you notes expressing heartfelt gratitude for the gifts you've received. But no matter how genuine your feelings, keeping the sentiment meaningful from one note to the next takes focus and creativity. Plus, you need to be somewhat organized to get the messages completed in a timely fashion.

 

Continuing with tips about "getting organized," "keeping track," and "what should the notes look like," the magazine editors also remind you that "feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it!"

 

 

 

 

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

[Top quote from Jean Baptiste Massieu, bottom quote from William Arthur Ward; images from Martha Stewart Weddings.]

{Weddings from a Simpler Time}

Dear Bride-To-Be:

There is no formula to have a beautifully intimate wedding. When love has infused all the wedding plans, a large grand cathedral setting can feel as intimate as a tiny chapel or an outdoor gathering celebrated under old oak trees!

 

One of the "blessings" after the economic shifts the last few years is that I've attended more thoughtfully planned weddings where intimacy wasn't sacrificed for extravagance...where realness and elegance were both present. (Does the lack of unlimited budgets—or perhaps more accurately, the lack of unlimited credit—pare down even “high end” weddings as well help restore intimacy to all ceremonies? Perhaps economic restraint begets thoughtful conversations when it comes to planning a wedding! Hmmmmmm.)

 

I've always loved weddings that use the beauty of nature and it seems "simplicity" and "natural" and "authentic" are words that are now considered very chic and stylish for weddings. There is a refreshing return to "vintage-inspired, rustic and whimsical weddings that go for charm instead of glitz," wrote Whitney Friedlander for the LA Times. [See her article featuring a wedding set in a National Forest.]

 

And of course Martha Stewart and her editors are famous for sharing glorious outdoor wedding ceremonies that are full of nature's beauty and spontaneous intimacy. [See their coverage of this wedding in the Italian countryside.]

The appealing Green Wedding Shoes blog is clever at finding naturally inspired weddings bursting with whimsy and enchantment—and lots of love! [See more about this wedding at an Herb Farm on Long Island.]

Whatever kind of wedding you are planning or dreaming about, look within, open your heart, and connect to everyone with love. (Yes, even grumpy Aunt Harriet and the caterer who was always late for appointments!) Then intimacy will come naturally to your wedding wherever you gather.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

{Wedding Fashion Advice}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

No matter what kind of wedding you're planning, you want to look beautiful in your wedding gown and you want everyone else to look and feel fabulous in their "wedding best"! Yes?

Here are some great "Wedding Fashion" tips from the Martha Stewart editors about decisions to make before and after the ceremony. Click the link below for answers to questions like "Do I need a wedding purse?" or "Should I buy a sample-sale gown?" or "How to clean a vintage veil?" as well as "What should the mother-of-the-groom wear?" ... plus many more ideas!
Martha Stewart's Wedding Fashion Advice for Women

The editors also offer informative style pointers for men. From ideas about "3-Piece Suits" to "Cufflinks, Watches and Shoes" to "Formal Attire Choices" -- who else could explain these things with such panache? Click the link below for some stylish thoughts!
Martha Stewart's Wedding Style Guide for Men

Okay ... one more Fashion Tip! This one links to an article I wrote several years ago for my online magazine, Weddings of Grace, and it's even more current today: Don't Wear a Strapless Dress, Unless...  You'll find ideas you probably haven't thought of, even more things that you're in denial about, and all of them will help you make a more beautiful choice for your beautiful self! (Sometimes to look our best, we need to hear what "not to do" before we make our decision about "I Do!")

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs from Martha Stewart]