{Your Bridal Spotlight}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

One of the “mantras” I shared with brides in my former shop, as a reminder to really pay attention during their quintessential rite-of-passage, was something like: “However you ‘be’ while planning your wedding is how you’ll ‘be’ in your marriage.” And years later when I read the expression, “how you do anything is how you do everything,” it seemed the experts agreed with me!

 

Use the bridal spotlight to notice ways you’re being while planning your wedding that you want to leave behind (that are not the best to deepen a loving relationship) and those ways you’re being that you want to take into your marriage (to nurture that relationship!)

Working with countless brides through the years, I urged a woman to use her time in the bridal spotlight to look inside, listen for her inner voice and be still for its message. I also encouraged her to love her body just the way it is, to ask for what she needed and don’t be afraid to make “unreasonable” requests in support of her well-being, and, if possible, find someone who is a wise listener she can talk to about anything. 

The inner-process of a bridal rite-of-passage—which can be a very intuitively expansive feeling—is the perfect time to deepen relationships with family and friends while hearts are already open. It’s the perfect time to complete any withheld communications, to say the “hard stuff” with love, to heal old hurts and wounds, and especially to practice forgiveness.

Be the bride who grows into the most loving partner. Be the woman you want to become.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia
 

[This is an edited excerpt from my new book-in-progress The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride that shares about how Princess Diana used the bridal spotlight to bring her joy and pain. If you want to read more from this section called "Loving the Skin We're In," click here.]

[Top photograph: Julie Mikos]

{Thank You Notes}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
"Gratitude is the memory of the heart" a wise French teacher once said. And being grateful expresses the tenderest parts of ourselves. So what about those wedding "Thank You" notes? No excuses like "you're too busy" or "they're old-fashioned" -- writing thank-you notes for gifts and favors and assistance you've received are as essential to your wedding planning duties as ordering the invitations, selecting the cake, or finding the perfect dress!

The editors of Martha Stewart Weddings devoted an entire section to "How to Write a Thank-You Note" ... and here's what they said about getting started:

In the afterglow of a wedding, it can be a joy to write thank-you notes expressing heartfelt gratitude for the gifts you've received. But no matter how genuine your feelings, keeping the sentiment meaningful from one note to the next takes focus and creativity. Plus, you need to be somewhat organized to get the messages completed in a timely fashion.

 

Continuing with tips about "getting organized," "keeping track," and "what should the notes look like," the magazine editors also remind you that "feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it!"

 

 

 

 

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

[Top quote from Jean Baptiste Massieu, bottom quote from William Arthur Ward; images from Martha Stewart Weddings.]

{Downton Abbey Inspiration}

 

Dear Bride-to-Be: If you're a Downton Abbey fan and thinking about an elegant vintage vibe for your wedding—then inspiration is at hand!  In the long-awaited third season we get to see how both the "upstairs and downstairs" plan two grand family weddings in this British period drama where the splendidly sumptuous costumes are the stars of the show!

Here's an excerpt from an upcoming article of mine, "The Wedding Season on Downton Abbey," soon to be published in a fashionable social-scene magazine:

It’s post-war 1920 and the three aristocratic Crawley sisters dress in the stylish fashion of the budding “modern woman.” The restrictive corsets are gone as are waistlines, high-necks and sweeping hemlines. So as a woman’s figure was freed—with hair cut and crimped—lighter and more diaphanous fabrics became popular for a delicately draped silhouette.

 Since this is before the Jazz Age flapper girl, the Downton Abbey wedding fashion is softly feminine and romantic, floaty and full-length, even goddess-like. And it followed Vogue’s directives of the time: “No matter what hour the wedding is held, there must be no exaggerated décolletage.” Both Ladies Mary and Edith’s elegant wedding gowns—modest, yes, but oozing femininity—“offer a wealth of inspiration for modern brides hoping to channel a hint of vintage glamour,” writes Elle UK magazine.

Wherever you look for inspiration for your wedding, look into your heart first, then everything else will follow exquisitely along!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

ps: I'll let you know when my Downton Abbey article is published so you can read the whole thing to get the full vintage inspiration!
pps: I have put together a new Power Point presentation that's become a real hit—"Downton Abbey: Here Come the Brides!" If you know of a group that needs a guest speaker, let me know—everyone seems to enjoy these entertaining "history lessons" told through stories about fashion, folklore and society (and why we do the crazy things we do!)

 

{While Everyone Is Looking}

 

Dear Bride-to-Be:

I thought you would enjoy this reprint of my article in the Winter 2012 issue of SEASON Magazine. (Once online, click the cover image and scroll to page 86.) Or just enjoy below!   

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

I remember as a young associate editor at Vogue magazine in the early 1970s when fashion director Polly Mellen—famous for starting international style trends—told me she wore black to a friend’s wedding. Once I caught my breath I responded: “I don’t think it’s a trend that’ll catch on!”There was a time—hard to believe now with the ubiquitous black bridesmaid dresses—that wearing black to a wedding (as a guest or bridal attendant) was unheard of since black had long been considered the color of mourning in our culture.  

 

I may have been wrong about the future popularity of wearing black to weddings and perhaps a bit old-fashioned in this anything goes modern world, but sometimes what’s “appropriate” is also what’s most“attractive.” And maybe I’m stepping on toes here, but black is not a color that looks good on everybody, it doesn’t photograph well (haven’t you seen photographs of bridal attendants where it’s mostly a black blob?) and it’s just not a happy color! (Aren’t weddings about celebration?)

 

Another wedding fashion trend not on my favorites list is the obsession for strapless gowns. (Although I believe when a “trend” lasts longer than most marriages, it becomes a “classic” whether we like it or not!) I understand the strapless appeal in our over-sized, over-casual, over-sexy world: without shoulders and sleeves, it can be an easy fit for all sizes, comfortable to move around in and yes, even glamorous—décolletage is in!

However, in an effort to save us from ourselves, I’ve written articles and blog posts for many years with titles like “Consider Not Wearing a Strapless Dress, Unless…” explaining how when you move, your strapless gown doesn’t necessarily move with you, nor does it camouflage anything and it exposes much more than you ever imagined. But it’s not even the underarms, the explosion of breasts or having to stare at bare backs during the wedding service; it’s that ugly “tug.”

I’ve seen brides and bridesmaids—who have great poise otherwise and look good in their strapless gown (from most angles)—do that awkwardly unattractive underarm “yank and tug” like they’re in the privacy of the ladies’ room instead of while everyone’s actually looking on! I understand that the gown feels like it’s falling off, but if brides don’t want their wedding remembered for such “oops” moments, then maybe every strapless gown should come with a must-read “code of conduct” before wearing.

(Although there was no correlation in the strapless trend and the closing of my bridal art-to-wear shop in Atlanta at the end of 1999, but my designers did vow to strike if they had to make one more strapless gown!)
 

All that said, every generation has their share of “How could I have done that?” kind of trends. Maybe it’ll be okay if we make choices as best we can and just hope there’s no cell phone camera around at those awkward moments when we assume no one is looking! (And with the high divorce rate, you think it’s true all that black worn at weddings does indeed deliver ominous wishes for the bride and groom?) Even more than ever, it’s a brave new world! ~

[Definitely no "ugly tugs" seen in above beautiful photographs by J Nichols Photo]

{Weddings from a Simpler Time}

Dear Bride-To-Be:

There is no formula to have a beautifully intimate wedding. When love has infused all the wedding plans, a large grand cathedral setting can feel as intimate as a tiny chapel or an outdoor gathering celebrated under old oak trees!

 

One of the "blessings" after the economic shifts the last few years is that I've attended more thoughtfully planned weddings where intimacy wasn't sacrificed for extravagance...where realness and elegance were both present. (Does the lack of unlimited budgets—or perhaps more accurately, the lack of unlimited credit—pare down even “high end” weddings as well help restore intimacy to all ceremonies? Perhaps economic restraint begets thoughtful conversations when it comes to planning a wedding! Hmmmmmm.)

 

I've always loved weddings that use the beauty of nature and it seems "simplicity" and "natural" and "authentic" are words that are now considered very chic and stylish for weddings. There is a refreshing return to "vintage-inspired, rustic and whimsical weddings that go for charm instead of glitz," wrote Whitney Friedlander for the LA Times. [See her article featuring a wedding set in a National Forest.]

 

And of course Martha Stewart and her editors are famous for sharing glorious outdoor wedding ceremonies that are full of nature's beauty and spontaneous intimacy. [See their coverage of this wedding in the Italian countryside.]

The appealing Green Wedding Shoes blog is clever at finding naturally inspired weddings bursting with whimsy and enchantment—and lots of love! [See more about this wedding at an Herb Farm on Long Island.]

Whatever kind of wedding you are planning or dreaming about, look within, open your heart, and connect to everyone with love. (Yes, even grumpy Aunt Harriet and the caterer who was always late for appointments!) Then intimacy will come naturally to your wedding wherever you gather.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

{Wedding Fashion Advice}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

No matter what kind of wedding you're planning, you want to look beautiful in your wedding gown and you want everyone else to look and feel fabulous in their "wedding best"! Yes?

Here are some great "Wedding Fashion" tips from the Martha Stewart editors about decisions to make before and after the ceremony. Click the link below for answers to questions like "Do I need a wedding purse?" or "Should I buy a sample-sale gown?" or "How to clean a vintage veil?" as well as "What should the mother-of-the-groom wear?" ... plus many more ideas!
Martha Stewart's Wedding Fashion Advice for Women

The editors also offer informative style pointers for men. From ideas about "3-Piece Suits" to "Cufflinks, Watches and Shoes" to "Formal Attire Choices" -- who else could explain these things with such panache? Click the link below for some stylish thoughts!
Martha Stewart's Wedding Style Guide for Men

Okay ... one more Fashion Tip! This one links to an article I wrote several years ago for my online magazine, Weddings of Grace, and it's even more current today: Don't Wear a Strapless Dress, Unless...  You'll find ideas you probably haven't thought of, even more things that you're in denial about, and all of them will help you make a more beautiful choice for your beautiful self! (Sometimes to look our best, we need to hear what "not to do" before we make our decision about "I Do!")

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs from Martha Stewart]