{Being Old-Fashioned, Downton Abbey Style}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

One of my favorite bridal historians, British writer Ann Monsarrat, talked about how old “innocent superstitions...just for fun” became wedding “traditions” in Victorian times. Although most wedding customs have ancient roots back to the days of arranged marriages (like “the superstition that the bride and groom should not meet on their wedding day until they do so at the altar”), it was the sentimental Victorians who made them part of the “rules” of wedding etiquette. And even if a tad old-fashioned, some traditions stayed around while others disappeared in the regimented practicality guiding many weddings today.

It reminds me of the episode of Downton Abbey in season three when Martha Levinson, Cora’s very avant garde American mother played by Shirley Maclaine, arrives for Lady Mary’s wedding. At dinner the night before the ceremony, Violet, the other grandmother (Maggie Smith’s witty character, the proper Dowager Countess) tells Martha that Matthew won’t be dining with them since it’s “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride. Martha teases them about following such old-fashioned notions: “It’s 1920 for heaven’s sake!”

However, old-fashioned or not, keeping some traditions just brings out the sweetness in us! Remember the Downton Abbey scene later that night when Matthew slips into the Abbey to apologize to Mary and—with her slightly opened bedroom door between them—asks for a reconciliation kiss. After a pause, Mary softens and smiles: “Only if you close your eyes…it’s bad luck to see me before the wedding.” (He does, she doesn’t, and they seem even more in love when they meet at the altar the next morning!)

Now I can appreciate the benefits of being practical as much as the next fellow; and I understand that the current practice of taking photographs of all the wedding party before the ceremony is indeed “practical.” But don’t you think it spoils some of the romantic mystery?

Ann Monsarrat told this charming “groom not seeing the bride” story around the 1893 wedding of a future king and queen: 

…when Princess May of Teck and the Duke of York caught sight of each other from opposite ends of one of the long, long corridors of Buckingham Palace on their marriage morning, they took it as a happy sign. They were a constrained couple, always writing to explain how much they loved each other and apologising that they could not actually say so; both were warmed by the brief encounter. The Duke, according to Queen Mary’s official biographer ‘swept her a low and courtly bow. This gesture she never forgot.’

Certain old-fashioned notions may be worth saving—especially if they inspire such courtliness and tender memories. And in our “let it all hang out” modern world, they may prove absolutely essential in keeping some of our “mystery” intact—and a woman’s mystery never goes out of fashion and sometimes romance needs a bit of old-fashioned nudging.

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia    

ps: I can’t mention Downton Abbey without reminding you that I’m speaking at the glorious Winterthur Museum next month during their Downton Abbey costume exhibition. Come join me...I think you’ll love my topic: “Vintage Inspiration: The Brides of Downton Abbey."

{Tokens of Abundance}

Dear Bride-To-Be:
I thought you’d enjoy this reprint of a wedding article I wrote (just published in the spring issue of Season Magazine) ... especially since we all seem to be drawn to the mysteries of bridal mythology!
...with love from Cornelia

Tokens of Abundance

Most wedding rituals today are “rooted in the potent mix of tradition and superstition,” wrote Barbara Tober, former editor-in-chief of Bride’s magazine.  

Take the rhyme, “Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence for your shoe”—the familiar little verse that became a beloved personal ritual for generations of brides. The rhyme itself may not be that old—first appearing in print in the 19^th century according to my research—but the customs it describes have been around for centuries. In cultures worldwide and for as long as we know, there was some sort of superstitious ritual for brides to tuck tokens of abundance (pieces of bread, a lump of sugar, coins, a bit of ribbon, a silver charm) into their purse, glove, or shoe; or sew the items into their bodice or dress hem. This was all done in the desire to call forth good luck, great fortune—including the birth of a male heir—or some magical promise of love forever!  

Shoe historian and Scotsman Cameron Kippen declares that throughout ancient times “it was widely accounted wearing something borrowed was lucky. The something borrowed varied to something golden or something stolen. A common belief was the bride would enjoy the same luck as the previous owner if the shoes of another happy bride were worn.” And the good luck superstitions extended to the groom by wearing old boots loaned to him for his wedding.

 The historian also reminds us that “a long standing bridal superstition stated no harm could befall a bride wearing blue.” Through the ages, wide-ranging references to the color blue surround it with compelling and even divine properties. The color is often associated with the Virgin Mary and is cited in Geoffrey Chaucer’s 14^th century The Canterbury Tales as a symbol of truth and faithfulness.

 With such rich folkloric history, it stands to reason that somewhere along the way a sentimental poet neatly put it all together in a romantic rhyme—some think derived from an old Italian saying, others believe it’s British in origin. Proving, as with most rituals, that wedding traditions have “complicated roots”—to borrow a phrase from Carol McD. Wallace’s book, All Dressed in White. Whatever the origin of the rhyming verse, 19^th century Victorians popularized it and it continues to be a treasured ritual for many modern brides; not because of any “superstition,” but because it’s a sweet way to connect with other women and, I propose, have an excuse to “play dress-up”!

The rhyme seems to be infused with a kind of fairy tale quality and delights of feminine mystique—is the mystery part of its appeal? As a bride, whether you borrow your grandmother’s handkerchief; wear a gift of birthstone earrings; use a friend’s heirloom veil; pin a blue silk ribbon to your corset; or slip a sixpence coin into your shoe or his pocket, you have put something magical into motion. And what woman doesn’t become more attractive wearing a bit of mystery? □