{Love & Forgiveness}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Author Bryant H. McGill said “there is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” When you’re in the glow of new love while planning your wedding, maybe forgiving your partner isn't an issue. But in the day-in, day-out of living life together, take notice!

Ruth Bell Graham, wife of the Reverend Billy Graham for more than sixty years, said: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Perhaps by taking that advice, all couples can find their own version of “happily ever after.” Not as some frothy, superficial, romance novel confection, but as a day to day letting go and embracing: letting go of judgment and embracing our imperfections; letting go of criticism and embracing acknowledgement; letting go of hurt feelings and embracing forgiveness.

Sometimes it takes courage—and it always takes opening your heart—to allow your forgiving, flexible, tolerant “big Self” to emerge. I find when I’m being “small,” holding on to some position, and definitely not feeling very “forgiving”—it helps to do this little exercise. I take several deep, easy inhales and long, soft exhales then say: “thank you for giving me this opportunity to let go and let love in.” I say it until I can forgive myself for whatever I made up (about me or someone else!) and can feel my heart open again. I like how Margaret Walker said it: “Love stretches your heart and makes you bigger inside.”

 

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

[Photographs: Jason Hudson]

{Fragrance of the Heart} Redux

[In honor my bridal guide book signing at the Joy Garden Tour this month in the beautiful mountain village of Cashiers, NC, I'm re-posting this "flowery" message....enjoy!]

 

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Planning a wedding is more than just organizing people, places and things! It's a life changing rite-of-passage of your deeper self, an opportunity to discover something of your inner most essence and share that with your beloved.

No wonder that through the ages, fragrance and essential oils—the extracted essence of aromatic plants—were part of a bride's wedding preparations. Using aromatherapy was a way to assist the bride to tap into her own inner essence and bring the magic of nature into the celebration! A bride would be “anointed” with fragrant, soothing essential oils—so she was then wearing the heart of a flower.

Aromatherapists tell us that the inherent beauty and harmony of nature is exemplified in essential oils. They say that using natural fragrance encourages the link between the right and left sides of the brain, connecting how we feel to how we think.

Aromatherapy consultants Joan Clark and Michael Scholes teach that this is the first step to linking the body and mind, the heart and brain, even creating a balance between the female and male energies.

“It is through these realizations,” the experts explain, “that we start to heal our hearts, learn how to communicate our innermost feelings and to express compassion and the ultimate lesson—the ability to forgive.”    

Ahhh. Discovering the fragrance of the heart through essential oils.What a wonderful way to plan a wedding....a perfect way to be the bride you want to be....a loving way to begin a spiritual partnership!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs: Courtesy of Little Winter Bride and Drew Newman]

{The Language of Flowers}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

I thought you'd enjoy this reprint of my article, The Language of Flowers, published in the summer issue of SEASON magazine.

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Bridal folklore throughout history, inspired by goddess mythology, tells of maidens entwining creamy white, aromatic orange blossoms into a bridal wreath for their hair, to ensure fertility; or carrying a bunch of sweet smelling white lilacs, representing innocence; or tucking fragrant herbs into their bouquets, rosemary for remembrance and dill, believed to provoke lust. (Both herbs were also eaten for their supposed powers!)

 

Along came the French, picking up where the ancient Persians left off by assigning meanings to flowers and herbs, and in 1819 published Le Langage des Fleurs. The etiquette-driven Victorians, as passionate as they were sentimental about flowers, followed suit. With so many rules and restrictions about what was proper to say to whom—and outright flirtations certainly prohibited—they adopted the romance-filled language of flowers, creating their own dictionary-like books, lyrically illustrated, to help sort it all out.

 

This romantic language was perfect for weddings. Many brides, including royal ones, get a bit sentimental when it comes to their wedding bouquet. Queen Victoria carried a nosegay of snowdrops, representing friendship (they were her beloved Albert’s favorite flower); and Grace Kelly, after much thought, selected lilies of the valley as her simple wedding bouquet, meaning return of happiness. And of course Kate Middleton included blooms of Sweet William, signifying gallantry.

 

During the golden-age of movies, whatever the royalty-like brides of old Hollywood loved, the rest of America did as well—and they loved orchids! Especially huge, lush cattleya varieties that, if truth be told, were overtly sexual. Although a “language of flowers” book might say the orchid represents beauty and refinement, Susan Orlean, author of The Orchid Thief, called it “the sexiest flower on the planet.” So no matter what some whimsical Victorian floriography says (or what post-war brides and their mothers pretended), an orchid’s real language was passionate, sensual, even erotic.

Yet, ironically, as was the fashion, a large opulent orchid sat on top of a bride’s small, white bible; or was attached innocently to her fur or satin muff; or worn as an oversized wedding corsage. Orchids were also popular in the center of big, boisterous bridal bouquets, like eighteen-year-old Elizabeth Taylor carried for her first wedding in 1950, right before the premiere of Father of the Bride with Spencer Tracey. (She didn’t carry orchids in all of her eight weddings, but Goddess Liz knew her way ‘round passion so she included them often!)                        

 

Needless to say, the language of flowers could be confusing: their “meanings” changed because of fashion or locale or color; or with what other blossom it was combined. No wonder tussie-mussies and nosegays—a style of mixing specific herbs and flowers—became so popular in the Victorian era (and were forerunners of the modern bridal bouquet.) Since these “talking bouquets” said the sweet-nothings for you, gentlemen suitors carefully chose their flower combinations, assuring the appropriate message be delivered to their sweetheart. (Plus one did not want the nosegay intended for tonight’s dinner hostess mixed up with last night’s paramour, etcetera.)

 

However, if your flower choices for a wedding bouquet don’t match up as you’d like with the messages in a Language of Flowers book, then just assign them your own romantic meanings and I’m certain the flower goddesses will bless you! ~

 

 

 
[This is a reprint of my article published in the summer issue of SEASON magazine. See page 74.]

{Vintage Inspiration}



Le Petit Echo de la Mode - 1923
from "Head to Toe Fashion Art"


Dear Bride-to-Be:
Ideas for vintage-inspired fashion are all around! From Downton Abbey to Mad Men, there's a pretty vintage vibe availabe to sweep you off your feet! Or as Elle UK magazine says, there's a "wealth of inspiration for modern brides hoping to channel a hint of vintage glamour."

How about vintage with a French twist? The website "Head to Toe Fashion Art" has a lovely gallery of rare bridal prints from 1863 to 1952 where you'll find some old-fashioned charm.

The Victoria and Albert museum in London is a treasure trove of inspirition from the past. There's a wonderful online gallery of wedding gowns, accessories and jewelry as well as a beautiful book showcasing the best of their collection: The Wedding Dress: 300 Years of Bridal Fashions by Edwina Erhman. Then there are a myriad of shops and online spots featuring vintage wedding gowns and bridal accoutrements like the designer and couture items at The Frock.

 

Wherever you find inspiration for your wedding, be sure to inspire your heart! Here's a little exercise: Take several deep, easy soothing breaths and imagine them flowing in 'n out of your heart. Follow your breath and find your center 'til you can ground yourself inside your heart...your hub. Then whatever creative ideas you discover that may "take your breath away," you're always ready to reach out with love.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from  Cornelia

ps: The "Head to Toe Fashion Art" website adds to their gallery as they find beautiful, old wedding prints. Check with them often for a bit of vintage inspiration!

{Say 'Thank You' Before Anything Else}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Don't forget to bring your grateful heart along when planning your wedding! It's so easy for couples to get caught up in the commercial glitz of wedding planning that no wonder some weddings appear to be done more "by the numbers" than "from the heart"....

And yes, numbers do play a big part in planning a wedding: the size of your guest list; how many attendants to have; the cost of the reception; the size of your wedding's carbon imprint; and etcetera! Yet, no matter how you "count the ways" (staying within your budget, being as "green" as possible, or including all of his relatives), you're busy counting while planning a wedding. So how to turn it around so that numbers aren't a source of stress, but simply a reminder of all your blessings?

It's not always easy to get the numbers to match your heart's desire in the simplest of circumstances, but it becomes especially challenging when planning a wedding. With weddings – these microcosms of real life – you're attempting to stuff so much into one event. And you do want to please everyone, even when you know that's impossible! Hmmmm. (I'm reminded of the quote from writer Eric Hoffer: "The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.")

 

So consider this: 

• What if planning your wedding became about "counting your blessings" first, then taking a head count second?
• What if being grateful was always first on your "to do" list?
• How would it change your life if everything followed "thank you"?

Whether you have only a dozen people at your wedding or you fill a grand ballroom, the spirit of your wedding comes from the gratitude in your heart and how you share it, yes? The thirteenth century German theologian Meister Eckhart said: "If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice." So if indeed saying "thank you" is like saying a prayer, then offer up your gratitude in all the ways you can, and the blessings of your wedding day will surely be abundant!

 

A beautiful bride is a woman who says "thank you" even without speaking a word.

 

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

[Photographs: David Willems]

{The Wedding Season}

Dear Bride-to-Be (and Friends):
Below is a reprint of my article published in the spring issue of SEASON magazine. I didn't want you to miss it since the gorgeous period fashions on the Downton Abbey television series inspired the popularity of “all things vintage” for modern weddings. (Scroll to page 60 if you want to see the original layout.) Enjoy!
...with love from Cornelia

The Wedding Season on Downton Abbey

To the delight of Downton Abbey fans everywhere, we were invited to two family weddings this season. And since the splendidly sumptuous costumes are the stars of this British period drama on Masterpiece Theatre—the bridal gowns didn’t disappoint (even if one potential bridegroom did!)

It’s post-war 1920 and the three aristocratic Crawley sisters dress in the stylish fashion of the budding “modern woman.” The restrictive corsets are gone as are waistlines, high-necks and sweeping hemlines. “It is unthinkable,” declared the era’s innovative fashion designer Paul Poiret, “for the breasts to be sealed up in solitary confinement in a fortress like the corset!”

So as a woman’s figure was freed (with hair cut and crimped for the most daring), lighter and more diaphanous fabrics became popular for a delicately draped silhouette.  Since this is before the Jazz Age flapper girl, the Downton Abbey wedding fashion is softly feminine and romantic, floaty and full-length, even goddess-like. And it followed Vogue’s directives of the time: “No matter what hour the wedding is held, there must be no exaggerated décolletage.” Both Ladies Mary and Edith’s elegant bridal gowns—modest, yes, but oozing femininity—“offer a wealth of inspiration for modern brides hoping to channel a hint of vintage glamour,” writes Elle UK magazine.

The “Will they?/Won’t they?” relationship of “distant cousins” Lady Mary Crawley and Matthew Crawley tugged at us through a dozen episodes, so their wedding to begin the third season was the cat’s meow!  Costume designer Caroline McCall had Downton Abbey’s grand staircase in mind when creating Lady Mary’s column-shaped wedding dress—gossamer layers of ivory-tinted silk and the most expensive costume ever made for the show! She etched the gown’s lace overlay with tiny Swarovski crystals and rice pearls to create a shimmeringly mythical moment as the bride pauses on the sun-lit staircase just as her father (and Carson, the devoted family butler) look up to see her.  “I wanted her to twinkle in the morning light, so I also infused the lace with a delicate silver thread to create a subtle iridescence. My goal was to make her look really ethereal and romantic”…and to soften the hard edges of Mary’s stern character.

The actress playing Lady Mary, Michelle Dockery, said that she’d never been nor had ever portrayed a bride before so she loved all the attention, even feeling a bit like royalty. The royal vibe could have been from all the guarded secrecy around her gown; or how it was reminiscent of the slender, silver lamé trimmed bridal dress worn by Prince William’s great-grandmother in 1923; or while filming the wedding scene at Oxfordshire’s village church, she stepped from her carriage to cheering crowds, just like Kate!

 

Then there was second-daughter Lady Edith’s Grecian-inspired wedding dress, a softly draped asymmetrical confection in silk slipper-satin and chiffon. (My favorite, although historically, a design a little ahead of its time.) Appliquéing vintage petal shapes of intricate silver embroidery and crystals across her shoulders and swirled at one hip, the costume designer wanted the more “awkward sister” to shimmer in her own bridal spotlight—but the magic was not to last.

 

The two sisters—instead of wearing the usual wedding choice of the period, a wreath or crown of wax orange blossoms—shared a stunning 45-carat, old-cut diamond Georgian tiara in a romantic floral motif (on loan to Masterpiece from “royal jewellers” Bentley & Skinner.) And that long silk tulle veil worn by both brides, so memorable in each sister’s wedding story, was another “pretend” family heirloom. Since “Downton Abbey” is actually Highclere Castle, all the Crawley heritage we see on the fictional program is “pretend,” but it doesn’t keep us from feeling part of the family somehow—whether our place is “upstairs or downstairs”! ~

 

 

 [This is a reprint of my article published in the spring issue of SEASON magazine. See pages 58-61 (newsstand copy) or 60-63 (online version) for the beautiful layout.]