Redefining Masculinity, Redefining Courage

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“It’s time to redefine masculinity,” Prince Harry stated during an official Commonwealth tour made with his wife and young son to South Africa in 2019. Given the strict German and British duty-bound heritage of his Windsor family — that calls for its menfolk to be aloof, manly, and in control — Harry, the former military man and now self-proclaimed feminist, is an inspiring representative of the courage it takes to build a new archetype of being male. Brushing off the tired old sexist tropes tossed his way (especially the one that he’d been “emasculated” married to a strong, out-spoken woman), Harry seems stronger, devotedly focused, delighted with hands-on fatherhood, and thriving inside a powerful, deeply loving partnership.

Perhaps a man’s relationship with women is a key component in redefining masculinity. In their celebrated podcast series, Renegades: Born in the USA — which inspired a bestselling book in 2021 — the conversations of two old friends and brothers-of-the-heart, President Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen, acknowledged the rewards of being married to a spirited, forthright woman, praising the guidance received from their wise and powerful wives. “We were lucky enough,” Obama said, speaking of both men’s lives, “to find remarkable, strong, independent women to push us and challenge us and ground us — and to call us out on our BS.” I could see Prince Harry’s experience in Obama’s words. “Women who helped us,” Obama continued, “become better versions of ourselves and forced us to continually reexamine our priorities.”

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The Space Between

 

"Beyond the Human Species" by Patricia Albere

There is a “betweenness” to these consciousness-shifting times we’re living in, to borrow a phrase psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist used in his unique study of our divided brain and how each “hemisphere” shapes our perception. The author of The Master and the Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World (2009) sees that the left and right hemispheres of the brain have competing visions of reality: the left hemisphere focuses on the details (good at organizing categories, not so good at seeing the whole, considered the male side of the brain); the right hemisphere focuses on the big picture (good at making connections between things, creating ideas, being empathetic, considered the female side.) Both hemispheres of the brain are essential, of course, and to be our most productive and compassionate selves we need a balance of both—the rational and the creative.

An example is McGilchrist’s scientific approach to explain music in which, simply put, the left hemisphere recognizes the notes, the right hemisphere recognizes the gaps, and it’s the gaps between the notes that make the music—the “betweenness.” It takes both sides, both hemispheres of the brain, working together to have harmony...in music and in life.

McGilchrist suggests we’re living in a world dominated by the left hemisphere—the part of us less likely to take the “humanistic view.” We see that occurring in our current angry, incendiary world. “Broadly speaking,” McGilchrist shared in an interview on Hidden Brain on National Public Radio (NPR), “the right hemisphere is more emotionally literate. It reads emotional expression, feels suffering…understanding another person’s point of view, what it feels like to be that person. However, there are some emotions that are more particularly associated with the left hemisphere. Perhaps the most striking one is anger, which happens to be the most lateralized of all emotions.” McGilchrist acknowledges this may be an over-simplification, but given the left hemisphere is always about accomplishing the immediate task in front of it, so “if it encounters any opposition, it’s dismissive, and it becomes enraged.”

We are a world out of harmony. And with no harmony, we have a compassion disconnect, empathy is lost. What will it take to bring our brains back into balance so the right hemisphere—the part more likely to take the “humanistic view”—can be a dynamic part of our world again? What will it take to create a world where we all live as though we truly believe, as Irish novelist Colum McCann once observed, that “an ounce of empathy is worth a boatload of judgment”; a world where we can live in the delicate, harmonic balance of “betweenness”—where being empathetic is as natural for human beings as breathing. How do we bring the feminine and masculine, the right brain and left brain, the entire human community back into balance? We’re all yearning for the inner peace that comes with a world in balance. Where do we find the opening? 

[continue reading "The Space Between" 

on Medium...]

Those 'Something Old' Wedding Vows

 

Scene of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert's wedding, c1840

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Those 'Something Old' Wedding Vows

{Part Two of “Marriage and the ‘Prospect of Happiness’”}

A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. -Ambrose Bierce, 19th century journalist

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After years of badly-behaved Hanoverian kings, their niece, nineteen-year-old Princess Victoria, became the queen of England in 1838. “The emphasis upon Victoria’s sheltered upbringing, her maidenly modesty and her dependence on her first prime minister,” historical novelist Philippa Gregory explained, “emphasized the subservience of all women — even a queen.” Although Victoria was a feisty, strong-willed, smart, determined young woman, she believed her own second-class status because of her gender.

This inequality had been deeply embedded in the patriarchal-controlled culture for centuries, reinforced at every traditional “Westernized” wedding ceremony. Women promised “to obey” their husbands when saying their marriage vows — vows written in the Church of England’s Book of Common Prayer from 1549. And vows repeated into the twentieth century.

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“On her marriage to Prince Albert in 1840,” Gregory continued, “Victoria signaled her obedience to her husband as master of the household, her deference to him as an advisor and her role as domestic woman: a wife and mother, supporting the idea that a happy marriage was created and nourished by female submission, however important the wife might be.” So even with a woman on the throne, a married woman’s “prospect of happiness” remained in question.

However, Victoria became queen at a time of robust social activism that put attention on women’s rights in both England and the United States, including a move to change marriage laws. As the most powerful woman in the world, Queen Victoria’s example in marriage was influential and far-reaching. This may have hindered, but it did not stop the growing movement for women’s autonomy. Plus, there was another feisty woman on the other side of the Atlantic. Susan B. Anthony, who chose not to marry so she’d be free to dedicate her life campaigning for a woman’s right to vote in the U.S., declared: “No man is good enough to govern a woman without her consent.”

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[continue reading "Those 'Something Old' Wedding Vows" on MEDIUM]

...the future is love...

 

A Divine Destiny

 

Orchid named for Diana, Princess of Wales

“The people asserted their deep longing to feel at one, if only for today,” Warren Colman wrote about the days following Princess Diana’s death as crowds gathered in London parks and along city streets. “Tomorrow we will assert our differences, tomorrow we will return to the struggle to live together…. For today, just for today, we will take the opportunity to feel what it might be like to be together, to feel at one, to share an experience with everyone else.” It was the final days of summer in 1997, and the world was evolving, moving into a new millennium full of remarkable revelations. A future was emerging that would demand our attention.

For the woman who once declared that she “leads from the heart,” Diana’s death pierced our own. Perhaps this was Diana’s biggest gift to us: To give humanity a taste of feeling related and connected through the heart, to experience something tenderly shared, to have an opportunity “to feel at one” in a divided, divisive world. And to long for more.

Colman told of listening to many interviews during those days between Diana’s death and her funeral service, as people came together in public spaces simply to be together. “I think that the people who have come to be a part of it are part of it,” shared a local, fifties-something man who had congregated with thousands of others outside Westminster Abbey during Diana’s funeral. “Whereas before it always felt as though you were pure spectators to something else — it was what belonged to someone else.” The idea of being a part of something, a sense of belonging, intimately connected, was deeply present here — just as it was for me watching on television from over 4000 miles away. “Royal occasions were royal occasions,” the man in the park continued while balancing a baby on his shoulders, “and we were just subjects to stand by. But this, I think, has been different insofar as people haven’t just been spectators, they’ve been there taking part in it….”

“Diana’s death seemed to offer possibilities for reflection and perhaps even transformation,” Josephine Evetts-Secker wrote, also in When a Princess Dies, with people not feeling a need to be “exceptional or individual” but simply to be together. “‘I just had to be here, to take my place in the crowd,’” Evetts-Secker shared about one young woman interviewed amongst the peaceful, orderly masses of people assembled around central London that week. (“The mobilization of police, in anticipation of serious disturbances, proved unnecessary.”) “Some mystery had taken hold of the nation and beyond, with a palpable but inchoate sense of spiritual need,” Evetts-Secker added.

Something unfamiliar was indeed developing here. What appeared to have “taken hold” of people was the desire to go inwards, perhaps soothe an old ache stuck there and breathe in new life, then move back out into the world more open and available to connect with others. Diana’s death had shaken loose centuries of bottled-up emotions, new awarenesses were emerging.

Continue reading book excerpt on Medium

...love...

 

"...fullness of love..."

"...thank God, a wedding!"

 The R/evolution Is Love (2011)

It was 2011 and things simply felt different. There was a buoyancy to the world’s energy. Even with disruption and strife, when I really listened in, there seemed a harmony inside it all, as though something else was becoming available, life being retuned. It felt true, like a sacred portal opening.

…………………….

I don’t remember when I first heard of the ancient Mayan calendar with its revelations that move beyond our sense of time, space, and beliefs, but I was intrigued by its historical accuracy. Developed by the highly advanced thinkers of Mexico’s Olmec civilization from the fifth century BCE, the calendar system is a complicated series of inscriptions, codes and glyphs. As Dr. Carl J. Calleman explained, it is a timeline marking the evolution of consciousness, in nine “waves,” from the beginning of time, 16.4 billion years ago, into the future.

The last phase of that future, the “Ninth Wave of Consciousness,” was activated in 2011 according to Dr. Calleman’s calculations. It marked the end of “old time,” signaling the age of new beginnings and based on this ancient almanac of sacred time, we are now living in that long-awaited future. And this “new time” arrived riding on a wave of dynamic energy — boisterous, open-hearted, and centered in unity.

In addition to major Earth events in 2011 (including a catastrophic earthquake and tsunami in Fukushima, Japan), “a massive protest movement began against the ruling order all over the world,” Dr. Calleman wrote, creating a tumultuous push for liberty, self-determination and freedom of expression. “The Arab Spring began with protests erupting over the globe, including the Occupy Movement in the United States and other countries.”

And there was a royal wedding! Or as Allison Pearson wrote in Newsweek that spring: “In a world gone to hell, thank God, a wedding!”

Throughout history, royal weddings have often been harbingers of change, seen as a unifying moment of coming together in gratitude and appreciation. But this royal wedding in Great Britain in 2011 marked a break in dutiful tradition with a message for the future: a future king of a thousand-year-old monarchy married for love. Instead of a business arrangement to acquire property, power, and prestige (and historically women were considered part of the property), this marriage was about a man and woman making a choice together — through love.

Even so, in these changing modern times, what was the big deal about a royal wedding in an outdated monarchy? The world was roiled in conflict between those attempting to bring a peaceful message of equality and those committed to a hierarchy of haves and have nots. And because we were all connected through a vast digital hook-up, discontent had a global voice. Therefore, some thought the universal excitement of a royal wedding seemed the year’s biggest anachronism.

Nevertheless, since royalty can be archetypal in nature, affecting change for the masses, the wedding and the relationship that emerged was revolutionary in its own right. As over two billion of us witnessed this grand yet intimate event celebrating the marriage of Prince William and Catherine Middleton, the wedding rite of passage acted as an opening to bring people together, to feel more connected to each other in a divided world.

[...the article continues on Medium]

 

Interweaving...

 

Interweaving a New Future Together

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The weave of unity is infinite, ever flowing & creative. 

-Patricia Albere

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Words related to the ancient art of weaving are often used as metaphors, especially when expressing the deep, intricate nature of life and human awareness. My curiosity was peaked regarding that relationship of words when reading about the history of weaving — and learning that women were the first weavers. “The facts of women’s experience of life are primordial,” poet and author Barbara Mor wrote.

“The first God, Mother Earth, was the sign of a human response to an experienced fact,” Mor explained in The Great Cosmic Mother: Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth. “The first arts and religions, the first crafts and social patterns, were designed in recognition and celebration of her.” From earliest times — giving birth, sustaining life, and nurturing that life — women recognized themselves in Mother Earth. And women told their stories (were women also the first storytellers?) by communicating that innate, fertile connection to life through art — creating clay vessels, weaving fabric, making paint, and painting on rocks and structures around them — linking their experiences to the Divine. And they recognized themselves in Her reflection.  

Barbara Mor shares that “religious rites were combined with industry. Women’s religions were organic, a unity of body and spirit, of daily life tasks and cosmic meaning.” All of life was sacred, interconnected, shared. “The sacred is the emotional force which connects the part to the whole,” philosopher and poet William Irwin Thompson wrote.

 “Cosmic mind and human mind are not essentially different, or separate, nor are cosmic body and human body,” Mor emphasized. “Everything is interconnected in a vast webwork of cosmic being — a universal weaving — in which each individual thing, or life-form, is a kind of energy knot, or interlock, in the overall vibrating pattern.” The intimacy in Barbara Mor’s words here conjures the essence of nature’s magic. I stare into a spider’s web and lose myself in the interrelated universe she has woven, clearly guided by a Divine source. Following their own instinctual nature, did the women who invented spinning and weaving — twisting something raw into filament-like threads, then weaving them into something whole — do the same? Beyond the practical attributes of string and cloth for early humans, was there a desire to express something ‘sensed’ within themselves?

 (Click here to continue reading on Medium) 

In the Presence of Remarkable Women

In the autumn of 2000, as the world was adjusting to the evolving energies of a new millennium, I traveled to China with my Qi Gong teachers and fellow students to explore an ancient and mysterious part of the world, including deep in the heart of the Daoist mountains. I had the sense of taking the spirit of my mother and grandmothers with me—wrapping myself in their strength; their sense of humor and wonder; their love and appreciation of nature; and their ability to see beauty in everything great and small.  

So, it was no accident that I was greeted and embraced by remarkable women along the way. And as something shifted in me, like a calling to write down remembrances of our time together, mystical stories emerged of women's lives...and of mine.  

Two of my stories, "Mirrored Encounters" and "A Thousand Years Telling," are included in the Common Sentience series of books published by Sacred Stories this year: Goddess: Blessed Reunions with the Feminine Face of the Divine by Anodea Judith and Portals: Energetic Doorways to Mystical Experiences Between Worlds by Freddy Silva. And there are many intriguing stories by other journeyers in both books. Enjoy!

...whatever the question...

 

My Duty Is to Love

 Through the years of reading biographies and books focused on Princess Diana—in my studies of women’s history and royal archetypes—I always held royal biographer Sally Bedell Smith as a fair and trustworthy voice. So I was surprised and disappointed recently when she appeared to join misogynistic and patriarchal-leaning writers by referring to strong women as “domineering” and deeply feeling men as “weak.”

On a promotional tour for her new book, another about the British royal family, Bedell Smith compared King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Calling Harry “weak” like the Duke of Windsor—because, if I’m understanding her reasoning, both men fell in love with strong women—and saying that “in some respects Meghan and the Duchess of Windsor have similar qualities: very narcissistic, very controlling, very dominating”—because, again, if I’m understanding her premise, that they were/are strong women. (Et tu…even you, Sally?)

However, people who know Meghan Markle—and those more inclined to take the high road— would describe her qualities as “confident, assured, and being a leader.” And she was vilified for that—like other women who dared to step outside the narrow Windsor box. As I see it, Meghan, this accomplished, heart-guided woman, fell in love with a man of great heart—compassionate, caring, sensitive, courageous—a man who was a fellow activist motivated by creating a kinder world, all in the name of love. (And a man who inherited his mother’s “exquisite sensitivity of feeling,” in the words of Jungian analyst Jim Fitzgerald, and is committed to continuing her humanitarian vision.)

[Click here to read the entire article posted on MEDIUM]

...of feminine design.

 

International Women's Day...Month...Always

Our History is Our Strength 

International Women's Day 

In 1977, when the women who would establish the National Women’s History Alliance began planning a women’s history week, March 8th, International Women’s Day, was chosen as the focal date. 

The selection was based on wanting to ensure that the celebration of women’s history would include a multicultural perspective, an international connection between and among all women, and the recognition of women as significant in the paid workforce.

United States women’s history became the primary focus of the curriculum and resources developed. At that time, there were no school districts in the country teaching women’s history. The goal, although it most often seemed a dream, was to first impact the local schools, then the nation, and finally the world. It is a dream that is becoming a reality.

Women’s History Week, always the week that included March 8th, became National Women’s History Week in 1981 and in 1987 National Women’s History Week became National Women’s History Month. The expansion from local to national and from week to month was the result of a lobbying effort that included hundreds of individuals and dozens of women’s, educational, and historical organizations. It was an effort mobilized and spearheaded by the National Women’s History Alliance. 

National Women’s History Month is now recognized throughout the world. Women from Germany, China, Saudi Arabia, Canada, Japan, Russia, the Ukraine, and several African nations have visited the National Women’s History Alliance’s office or attended its events. One result from this contact has been the establishment of a women’s history program and museum in the Ukraine. 1989 The National Women’s History Alliance accepted an invitation from the government of Spain to address an international women’s conference on the importance of women’s history and the impact of National Women’s History Month. In 2001 a sistership with the Working Women’s Institute of Japan was established resulting in the National Women’s History’s posters and display sets being featured in the organization's first exhibit.

The National Women’s History Alliance’s website reaches the global community. The Alliance receives emails from individuals throughout the world. Each year hundreds of National Women’s History Month posters are distributed to military bases and Department of Defense schools throughout the world for special programs and events that celebrate and recognize women’s accomplishments. It is the hope of the National Women’s History Alliance that the celebrations at these different venues will ignite a sense of celebration and recognition that honors women of all nations.

[reprinted from the NWHA newsletter.]

Second-Class Citizen, Part II: 'That Vote Has Been Costly'

Women picket the White House, 1917, quoting President Wilson from his war message on their banner.The demonstrations, led by Alice Paul, challenged Wilson on his inaction; the daily picketing began in January 1917 and continued for 18 months, despite weather, harassment, and arrest.

Carrie Chapman Catt may be a name less familiar to some than the name of her mentor Susan B. Anthony, yet with her considerable organizational skills — a brilliant strategist and former teacher — she was the most recognized name in the U.S. suffrage movement in the early twentieth century. Catt led the National American Woman Suffrage Association in its final, exhaustive push to win the vote for women in the summer of 1920. In her brilliant book, The Woman’s Hour: The Great Fight to Win the Vote published in 2018, Elaine Weiss described the scene when Catt finally returned to her home in New York once the Nineteenth Amendment was signed into law. Catt sat at her desk and, looking out at her garden, wrote “a poignant charge to the women voters of the nation”:

The vote is the emblem of your equality, women of America, the guaranty of your liberty. That vote of yours has cost millions of dollars and the lives of thousands of women. Women have suffered agony of soul which you never can comprehend, that you and your daughters might inherit political freedom. That vote has been costly. Prize it!

The vote is a power, a weapon of offense and defense, a prayer. Use it intelligently, conscientiously, prayerfully. Progress is calling to you to make no pause. Act!

With 33 years of suffrage work behind her, Carrie Chapman Catt moved on to voter registration and voter education through the League of Women Voters, an organization she helped launch. (Eleanor Roosevelt was one of Catt’s protégées.) When she turned her energies back to anti-war efforts, Weiss explained, Catt was “monitored by the FBI,” possibly for the rest of her life. “Alarmed by Adolf Hitler’s rise to power in Germany in 1933, she organized Jewish support groups and lobbied the U.S. government to ease immigration restrictions for refugees.” Mrs. Catt, as she was respectfully known by many, died of a heart attack in 1947 at the age of 88 after a lifetime of service for you and me and the women of the world.

The new century brought many “uppity, contrary women” into the public sphere.... [Continue reading on MEDIUM.] Part II of V.

Love alone....

 

Marriage and the 'Prospect of Happiness'

 .............................................

"The Unequal Marriage" by Vasili V. Pukirev, 1862

Historically, given the patriarchal nature of most world cultures, the happy expectations that many brides may have imagined at their wedding fell far short during their marriage—disappointment often began before the honeymoon phase, if there was such a thing. To cope with the lack of attention or even abuse by their husbands, women around the globe had limited choices—especially since ill-treatment of wives was often sanctioned by their religions and governments. “A bride,” nineteenth-century journalist Ambrose Bierce said, “is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.” Indeed, for eons, a married woman’s “prospect of happiness” was a dilemma.

In the middle of nineteenth-century England “marriage was the subject of much contemporary debate,” wrote best-selling author Kate Summerscale. Divorce laws were being investigated and reformists were “campaigning to improve the lot for married women.” One such reformist, novelist and poet Caroline Norton, even wrote to Queen Victoria—a happily married woman and mother—about the “injustices of wedlock,” as shared by Summerscale:

 “A married woman in England has no legal existence...her being is absorbed in that of her husband.” A wife could not undertake legal proceedings, or keep her own earnings, or spend eons own money as she wished. She “has no legal right even to her clothes or ornaments; her husband may take them and sell them if he pleases.” A wife’s identity was subsumed in that of her husband....

And Caroline Norton should know. “When she left her unfaithful, bullying, profligate husband in 1836,” wrote Summerscale, “he had kept her children from her and had confiscated the money that she earned through her writing.”

[Continue reading this short chapter excerpt on Medium...enjoy!]

Herstory

Judy Chicago at the New Museum in NYC as seen in The New York Times

Judy Chicago is at it again! "The pioneering feminist artist rules the New Museum with a six-decade survey, but she shares the stage with her sisterhood." (See Melena Ryzik's article in the NYTimes, Judy Chicago Makes 'Herstory'.)

Click here for a preview of the exhibit on the New Museum website. (The Herstory exhibition has been extended until March 3, 2024.)

Ann Lowe: American Couturier

Costume Exhibition at Winterthur Museum
Sept 9, 2023 - January 7, 2024

“In 1964, The Saturday Evening Post referred to fashion designer Ann Lowe as ‘Society’s Best-Kept Secret.’ Although Lowe had been designing couture-quality gowns for America’s most prominent debutantes, heiresses, actresses, and society brides—including Jacqueline Kennedy, Olivia de Havilland, and Marjorie Merriweather Post—for decades, she remained virtually unknown to the wider public. Since then, too little recognition has been given to her influence on American fashion.

“Ann Lowe’s recently emerging visibility as a designer stands in contrast to much of her career and the countless unrecognized Black dressmakers and designers who have contributed to American fashion for generations, including her own grandmother and mother. She blazed a path for others to follow and her legacy is still felt in fashion culture.” [Continue reading exhibition text.]

Jacqueline Kennedy in her wedding gown
designed by Ann Lowe, 1953

My 2011 article published in Atlanta's Season magazine, "What Does a Fashion Icon Wear to Her Own Wedding/s," shares what Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy really wanted her wedding gown to look like! Here's an excerpt:

During the presidential state visit to France in the spring of 1961, “more than a million Parisians lined the parade route, chanting ‘Jacqui! Jacqui!’ as the Kennedys entered Paris,” Kathleen Craughwell-Varda recalled in Looking for Jackie: American Fashion Icons. As the charismatic wife of the U.S. president, Jackie Kennedy’s chic, elegant style—copied by women around the world—even won over the toughest fashion critics...the French!

However, the woman who revolutionized a stodgy fashion industry and headlined the best-dressed list for years had not worn the wedding gown of her choice. Jacqueline (Jock-leen) Bouvier was a young bride in 1953 when it was typical for the bride’s mother to plan the wedding, dictate or greatly influence what her daughter would wear (and frequently whom she would marry), and basically run the show.

Of course, the headstrong Jackie was not just any bride of the fifties. She was the future wife of one of the wealthiest men in the country and one whose father had great political plans for his oldest son’s future. So not only did the Newport wedding become a huge Kennedy-orchestrated, high-society spectacle (instead of the small affair the bride and her family wanted), but the bride’s gown reflected what the groom requested. “Jackie wanted to wear a sleek, modern gown, in keeping with the pared-down style she preferred,” Craughwell-Varda explained, “but Jack persuaded her to select something more traditional and old-fashioned.”

The bride’s mother chose Ann Lowe, an African American designer in New York City “who catered to society women.” From her workshop on Lexington Avenue, the designer created an elaborate gown of ivory silk taffeta with a portrait neckline, off-the-shoulder cap sleeves and big ruffled swirls on the full skirt. Jackie also wore the long rose point lace veil worn by her mother and grandmother attached to their wax orange blossom wreath. Perhaps the only time the glamorous Jackie looked “traditional.” (If Jackie had gotten to choose, don’t you think her gown would have been very Givenchy-ish? And with all that Kennedy money at her young fingertips, perhaps she would have gone directly to the master French couturier himself!)

Jacqueline Kennedy wearing Oleg Cassini,
appointed as her "exclusive couturier,"
Elysee Palace reception in Paris,1961

...and more love