{A Handkerchief for Your Wedding} Part Three: "Soft Sighs & Deep Breaths"

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Handkerchiefs and weddings—along with the likes of languid moments, love and courtship, soft sighs, and “taking one’s breath away”—have a long poetic history together. And if you were lucky enough to have a close relation skilled with a needle (and many people did up until the middle of last century), then you’d have your own special handmade wedding handkerchief to sigh over. Perhaps made from near translucent Belgium linen or fine cotton from Portugal with a lush border of rose point bobbin lace for her and for him, a spacious, white lawn handkerchief with hand-rolled edges and embroidered with his initials.
 
Beautifully fetching handkerchiefs may evoke a more leisurely era as well as their costumed weddings; however, there’s a romantic melodrama that spins around weddings of any era. Weddings of the past and present are like a microcosmic slice of real life magnified and when planning a wedding (no matter how small or quickly assembled—even if it’s “Let’s hurry over to the courthouse!”), emotions swirl and time seems to speed up and slow down all at the same time. In our hurry-up world, whatever the occasion, maybe we need to stop and sigh every now and then. Oh, not for any melancholia—but just to enjoy the beautiful, take-your-breath-away blessing that life is.

When I had my bridal shop years ago, to help my customers ease the pace, relax into their bodies, and enjoy their rite-of-passage ahead, I would tell stories taken from wedding folklore, adding my own twists with a bit of goddess legend and mystical mythology woven in. I didn’t wave a hanky for dramatic effect, but I did take slow, unhurried breaths—with exhales not unlike a sigh—and soon my listeners were breathing deeper as well; they became more relaxed, even more sympathetic to mother or daughter or partner or whomever appeared as the source of their anxiety. Sometimes we miss life’s magic if we don’t slow down (letting go of the drama) and take a deep, long, easy breath.

So keep a pretty handkerchief handy—even if just as a reminder to take a few soft, languid moments to look within and refresh, relax and regroup.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Handkerchief images: Karen Augusta]

{A Handkerchief for Your Wedding} Part Two: "Lavender Tinged"

Dear Bride-to-Be:
A pretty vintage handkerchief (white-on-white or perhaps with a smidgen of pastel color) is my favorite bridal present to give—something personal, feminine and intimate, yet immensely practical. Sometimes I’ll slip back to the bride’s dressing area the day of the wedding and give her a hanky gift, ensuring she doesn’t go down the aisle without it. (I’ve also been known to whip out my own vintage hanky from my handbag and give it to the bride or groom when no other is available!)

Of course handkerchiefs for brides or grooms are more than just useful for tears and sniffles. They can be a handy way to bring a bit of ease into your bustling wedding day with an old-fashioned yet clever use of aromatherapy. For instance, lavender is very calming. (And did you know that when you’re calm and more relaxed, you’re more present to love?)

You can lavender-scent your wedding day handkerchief by placing it (or them) in a box or wrapped in tissue with some sprigs of dried lavender a few days before the wedding. Or as you’re leaving for your ceremony, dab a tiny drop of lavender essential oil on a corner of your handkerchief so you’ll get a soothing whiff each time you pat your nose. (Even keep a small vial of lavender oil in your bridal purse or pocket for a little calming “hanky refresher” during your wedding festivities.)

So instead of being distracted by nerves or “drippy” moments on your wedding day, be “hanky prepared” and you’ll be able to keep your attention on love...on what’s in your heart...on each other!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: David Willems]

{A Handkerchief for Your Wedding} Part One: "Keepsake Vows"

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Are you writing your own vows or perhaps rewriting some beautiful old ceremonial text, like from The Book of Common Prayer? The words spoken at a wedding carry more than just promises and declarations, they carry the rhythm and heartbeat of your deeper self. (Don’t dismiss their potential power by not giving them thoughtful consideration.)

Here’s a lovely idea that requires you to put attention on your vows early on. In arrangements made long before your ceremony, calligrapher Anne Elser, using her graceful script, will write your vows in permanent paint on a handkerchief—yours or ones from her vintage collection—so you’ll truly carry the words of your heart with you down the aisle. And, if needed, you’ll have a little “I Do” assistance at the altar as well as a beautiful keepsake.

For those of you who have read my book, The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself, (or remember my shop from years ago) you’ll know that handkerchiefs—especially fine vintage and antique ones—are dear to me. And I consider a charmingly serviceable hanky a must for every bride (and groom) to carry on their wedding day (for tears, runny noses, moist brows, dewy palms—you get the picture!) So this post begins a new series featuring the practical yet mysterious handkerchief. Revisit here often for bits of folklore that will tickle your heart (and maybe learn a handy-hanky tip or two.)

Love. Listen. Let go.
....with love from Cornelia

ps: Tune in for “hanky installment” Part Two coming soon!

[Photographs: (top) Josie Miner; (bottom) Martha Stewart Weddings]

{Love & Forgiveness}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Author Bryant H. McGill said “there is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” When you’re in the glow of new love while planning your wedding, maybe forgiving your partner isn't an issue. But in the day-in, day-out of living life together, take notice!

Ruth Bell Graham, wife of the Reverend Billy Graham for more than sixty years, said: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Perhaps by taking that advice, all couples can find their own version of “happily ever after.” Not as some frothy, superficial, romance novel confection, but as a day to day letting go and embracing: letting go of judgment and embracing our imperfections; letting go of criticism and embracing acknowledgement; letting go of hurt feelings and embracing forgiveness.

Sometimes it takes courage—and it always takes opening your heart—to allow your forgiving, flexible, tolerant “big Self” to emerge. I find when I’m being “small,” holding on to some position, and definitely not feeling very “forgiving”—it helps to do this little exercise. I take several deep, easy inhales and long, soft exhales then say: “thank you for giving me this opportunity to let go and let love in.” I say it until I can forgive myself for whatever I made up (about me or someone else!) and can feel my heart open again. I like how Margaret Walker said it: “Love stretches your heart and makes you bigger inside.”

 

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

[Photographs: Jason Hudson]

{Fragrance of the Heart} Redux

[In honor my bridal guide book signing at the Joy Garden Tour this month in the beautiful mountain village of Cashiers, NC, I'm re-posting this "flowery" message....enjoy!]

 

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Planning a wedding is more than just organizing people, places and things! It's a life changing rite-of-passage of your deeper self, an opportunity to discover something of your inner most essence and share that with your beloved.

No wonder that through the ages, fragrance and essential oils—the extracted essence of aromatic plants—were part of a bride's wedding preparations. Using aromatherapy was a way to assist the bride to tap into her own inner essence and bring the magic of nature into the celebration! A bride would be “anointed” with fragrant, soothing essential oils—so she was then wearing the heart of a flower.

Aromatherapists tell us that the inherent beauty and harmony of nature is exemplified in essential oils. They say that using natural fragrance encourages the link between the right and left sides of the brain, connecting how we feel to how we think.

Aromatherapy consultants Joan Clark and Michael Scholes teach that this is the first step to linking the body and mind, the heart and brain, even creating a balance between the female and male energies.

“It is through these realizations,” the experts explain, “that we start to heal our hearts, learn how to communicate our innermost feelings and to express compassion and the ultimate lesson—the ability to forgive.”    

Ahhh. Discovering the fragrance of the heart through essential oils.What a wonderful way to plan a wedding....a perfect way to be the bride you want to be....a loving way to begin a spiritual partnership!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs: Courtesy of Little Winter Bride and Drew Newman]

{The Language of Flowers}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

I thought you'd enjoy this reprint of my article, The Language of Flowers, published in the summer issue of SEASON magazine.

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Bridal folklore throughout history, inspired by goddess mythology, tells of maidens entwining creamy white, aromatic orange blossoms into a bridal wreath for their hair, to ensure fertility; or carrying a bunch of sweet smelling white lilacs, representing innocence; or tucking fragrant herbs into their bouquets, rosemary for remembrance and dill, believed to provoke lust. (Both herbs were also eaten for their supposed powers!)

 

Along came the French, picking up where the ancient Persians left off by assigning meanings to flowers and herbs, and in 1819 published Le Langage des Fleurs. The etiquette-driven Victorians, as passionate as they were sentimental about flowers, followed suit. With so many rules and restrictions about what was proper to say to whom—and outright flirtations certainly prohibited—they adopted the romance-filled language of flowers, creating their own dictionary-like books, lyrically illustrated, to help sort it all out.

 

This romantic language was perfect for weddings. Many brides, including royal ones, get a bit sentimental when it comes to their wedding bouquet. Queen Victoria carried a nosegay of snowdrops, representing friendship (they were her beloved Albert’s favorite flower); and Grace Kelly, after much thought, selected lilies of the valley as her simple wedding bouquet, meaning return of happiness. And of course Kate Middleton included blooms of Sweet William, signifying gallantry.

 

During the golden-age of movies, whatever the royalty-like brides of old Hollywood loved, the rest of America did as well—and they loved orchids! Especially huge, lush cattleya varieties that, if truth be told, were overtly sexual. Although a “language of flowers” book might say the orchid represents beauty and refinement, Susan Orlean, author of The Orchid Thief, called it “the sexiest flower on the planet.” So no matter what some whimsical Victorian floriography says (or what post-war brides and their mothers pretended), an orchid’s real language was passionate, sensual, even erotic.

Yet, ironically, as was the fashion, a large opulent orchid sat on top of a bride’s small, white bible; or was attached innocently to her fur or satin muff; or worn as an oversized wedding corsage. Orchids were also popular in the center of big, boisterous bridal bouquets, like eighteen-year-old Elizabeth Taylor carried for her first wedding in 1950, right before the premiere of Father of the Bride with Spencer Tracey. (She didn’t carry orchids in all of her eight weddings, but Goddess Liz knew her way ‘round passion so she included them often!)                        

 

Needless to say, the language of flowers could be confusing: their “meanings” changed because of fashion or locale or color; or with what other blossom it was combined. No wonder tussie-mussies and nosegays—a style of mixing specific herbs and flowers—became so popular in the Victorian era (and were forerunners of the modern bridal bouquet.) Since these “talking bouquets” said the sweet-nothings for you, gentlemen suitors carefully chose their flower combinations, assuring the appropriate message be delivered to their sweetheart. (Plus one did not want the nosegay intended for tonight’s dinner hostess mixed up with last night’s paramour, etcetera.)

 

However, if your flower choices for a wedding bouquet don’t match up as you’d like with the messages in a Language of Flowers book, then just assign them your own romantic meanings and I’m certain the flower goddesses will bless you! ~

 

 

 
[This is a reprint of my article published in the summer issue of SEASON magazine. See page 74.]