{Aromatherapy-Wise Bride}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Your time of being a bride should be a dreamy time filled with love! However, if you're doing most of the wedding planning and organizing yourself, it can get a bit stressful, yes? So how can you have the best of all worlds: Stay “full of love, ease and creativity” while planning a wedding from your heart....?

Here are bits of aromatherapy wisdom to get your creative juices flowing:

•     “Lightly spritz wedding invitations and love letters with tea rose or jasmine scents…it helps send love around the world.”

•     “Put a few drops of essential oil on an unscented dryer sheet with your bed linens…lavender pillowcases call sweet dreams close….love follows the scent of rose. Choose either fragrance for a dreamy rest.”

•     “Add a couple of drops of relaxing lavender essential oil onto a practical (washable) white linen handkerchief to carry on your wedding day. Then as you dab at tears (his or yours), the scent brings sweet calm.”

Be an “aromatherapy-wise” bride and enjoy your fragrantly-creative-planning-time and a love-scented wedding day!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Ian Grant]

Old-Fashioned {Redux}

[This is a reprint of my article, "Being Old-Fashioned, Downton Abbey Style," from the summer issue of SEASON magazine. Scroll to page 93 or enjoy text below!]






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Being Old-Fashioned, Downton Abbey Style

One of my favorite bridal historians, British writer Ann Monsarrat, talked about how old “innocent superstitions…just for fun” became wedding “traditions” in Victorian times. Although most wedding customs have ancient roots back to the days of arranged marriages (like “the superstition that the bride and groom should not meet on their wedding day until they do so at the altar”), it was the sentimental Victorians who made them part of the “rules” of wedding etiquette. And even if a tad old-fashioned, some traditions stayed around while others disappeared in the regimented practicality guiding many weddings today.

It reminds me of the episode of Downton Abbey in season three when Martha Levinson, Cora’s very avant garde American mother played by Shirley Maclaine, arrives for Lady Mary’s wedding. At dinner the night before the ceremony, Violet, the other grandmother (Maggie Smith’s witty character, the proper Dowager Countess) tells Martha that Matthew won’t be dining with them since it’s “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride. Martha teases about following such old-fashioned notions: “It’s 1920 for heaven’s sake!”

However, old-fashioned or not, keeping some traditions just brings out the sweetness in us. Remember the Downton Abbey scene later that night when Matthew slips into the Abbey to apologize to Mary and—with her slightly opened bedroom door between them—asks for a reconciliation kiss. After a pause, Mary softens and smiles: “Only if you close your eyes…it’s bad luck to see me before the wedding.” (He does, she does, then takes a peek, and they seem even more in love when they meet at the altar the next morning!)

Now I can appreciate the benefits of being practical as much as the next fellow; and I understand that the current practice of taking photographs of all the wedding party before the ceremony is indeed “practical.” But don’t you think it spoils some of the romantic mystery?

Ann Monsarrat told this charming story around the 1893 wedding of a future king and queen: 

…when Princess May of Teck and the Duke of York caught sight of each other from opposite ends of one of the long, long corridors of Buckingham Palace on their marriage morning, they took it as a happy sign. They were a constrained couple, always writing to explain how much they loved each other and apologising that they could not actually say so; both were warmed by the brief encounter. The Duke, according to Queen Mary’s official biographer ‘swept her a low and courtly bow. This gesture she never forgot.’

Certain old-fashioned notions may be worth saving—especially if they inspire such courtliness and tender memories. And in our “let it all hang out” modern world, they may prove absolutely essential in keeping some of our “mystery” intact (and a woman’s mystery never goes out of fashion and sometimes romance needs a bit of old-fashioned nudging.) ~

{Open Your Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

With all the commercial hype, canned traditions, and tantalizing nonsense out there, it’s an extra daunting time for whomever is planning a wedding—whether it’s the bride, her mother or both! So several years ago, I created “Open Your Heart” CDs for these busy, task-oriented women. Not only as a way to support their ease and well-being, but the short, guided relaxations were also designed to help their choices come from the heart. (I’ve been to so many weddings where the character, soul and intimacy have been squeezed out of the wedding day because of the stress to “get it right” instead of relaxing and simply “sharing your love.”) 

 

So I introduced my CDs —a version for brides and another for all women—at one of those big, splashy bridal extravaganzas. During the afternoon event in the hotel’s grand ballroom, my team and I greeted the rush of visitors—hundreds of brides with their wedding entourage in tow. And for those brides, mothers and members of the wedding party who paused at our booth, I shared the benefits of slowing down during their wedding planning time for a few moments of relaxation and ease. (You’ll “feel better” and “look more beautiful”—and with some of the brides I threw in “have better sex” to really get their attention!) Some of the brides-to-be looked rather bewildered when I mentioned “relaxation,” reacting with words like: “I’m just too busy/tense/crazed to slow down and relax!” Hmmmmm.



As many thousands of brides as I had worked with over the years in my former shop by the time I did this event, I figured I’d be met with some resistance to the notion “that being calm and not reactive” equaled  happier relationships. (So the nature of the reactions I received certainly didn’t bode well for peaceful marriages and family life ahead.) Nevertheless, it wasn’t surprising that just as many of the mothers of future brides and grooms spoke up with: “I’m the one who needs this CD!”

I think we can all use support in slowing down, relaxing, and bringing ease to our bodies, mind and spirit no matter the tasks we’ve taken on. As the wise Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh prompts us: “Breathe, smile and go slowly.” (And I say, a more beautiful bride is a more relaxed, in-her-heart bride!)

Find a way to ease your noisy mind...remember, deeeeeeep easy breaths. Create your own ritual of stillness—a meditative womanly ritual for deep relaxation—one that would be a gift of heart-opening ease (a gift to you, to him, to all!) Even if it’s only five minutes of quiet solitude a day: in the early morning before your busy day begins or as an afternoon break; after a bath to continue your relaxation or before bed to support deep rest. Find your quiet hub; find your inner stillness. Open your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs: J Nichols Photography]

{Vintage Shimmer}

"Costumes of Downton Abbey" Exhibition at Winterthur

Dear Bride-to-Be:
I recently had the pleasure of being guest speaker at the marvelous Winterthur Museum in Delaware during their ongoing "Costumes of Downton Abbey" exhibition. Lady Edith's cream silk wedding dress was a favorite on display....and I included details in my talk about how costume designer Caroline McCall created the elegant vintage design, starting with an antique silk and crystal beaded train.

Caroline said she looked at lots of old photographs and magazines for inspiration for the design of Edith's dress....one gown was that of Mary, the Princess Royal, for her wedding in 1922 at Westminster Abbey. Like many princesses of the time, the column-style, drop-waist gown was silver in color.  I thought you'd enjoy this from Christopher Warwick, author of Two Centuries of Royal Weddings, citing a "shimmering" description from a guest at the 20s wedding:

Princess Mary's gown was silver lamé, veiled with marquisette embroidered in English roses worked with thousands of tiny diamonds and seed pearls in a faint lattice-work design....girdled with a silver cord studded with triple rows of pearls....and from the waist also hung a trail of orange blossom with silver stems.

The train was composed of specially woven white and silver duchess satin, draped with Honiton lace embroidered in baroque pearls, diamonds and silver bullion.

Now your bridal gown may not be such a glistening, silvery confection....nor vintage-inspired....nor one designed just for you (although a princess you may be!) But whatever you wear for your wedding day, include a shimmering open-heart ready to share with all....and all the days thereafter!

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

Cornelia with Maggie Lidz, Winterthur Estate Historian,
at the entrance of the "Costumes of Downton Abbey" exhibition

ps:  The "Costumes of Downton Abbey" exhibition will be at Winterthur through January 4, 2015. It is not a traveling exhibit....in addition to the costumes, it has videos and images from the show that won't be seen elsewhere....so get yourself there! You don't want to miss it!

{The Language of Flowers}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Brides and the language of flowers have a romantic and mystical history. Through the ages, romantics assigned meanings to flowers and herbs according to their innate nature—and a language was created!

Bridal folklore tells of maidens entwining creamy white, aromatic orange blossoms into a bridal wreath for their hair, to ensure fertility; or carrying a bunch of sweet smelling white lilacs, representing innocence; or tucking fragrant herbs into their bouquets, rosemary for remembrance and dill, believed to provoke lust. (And both herbs were often eaten for their supposed powers!)

Queen Victoria carried a nosegay of snowdrops, representing friendship (they were her beloved Albert’s favorite flower); and Princess Grace, after much thought, selected lilies-of-the-valley for her wedding bouquet, one of the many delicate flowers meaning purity.

Former Brides magazine editor-in-chief, Barbara Tober, tells us that the sentimental Victorians of the 19th century had a custom of arranging a bouquet of flowers and herbs “to spell out the groom’s name (baby’s breath, irises, limonium, and lilies for B-I-L-L.)’’ The little book, Kate Greenaway’s Language of Flowers, is a reproduction of a Victorian’s floral inspiration that will help you create your own romantic language in flowers!

However, don’t wait for your wedding day. Be inspired, with or without flowers, to speak a language of love and tenderness right this very moment!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Bridal photograph: Matt Hakola]

{All Dressed in Vintage White}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
As a costume historian, I often write articles and give talks on a particular fashion from the past and tell stories not only about how it expressed a woman’s style, but also her personal sense of creativity—and how it influenced wedding fashion of that era.

Like the über feminine white “lingerie dresses” popular in the late 1890s into the 19-teens which, ironically, “deftly impersonated a Victorian lady’s ‘unmentionables’” as author Kristina Seleshanko explained.* These dresses were filmy white confections—usually sheer cotton lawn or batiste, even tissue silk—deliciously trimmed with inserts of lace, floral embroidery, and tiny pin-tucks and worn as special-occasion dresses for warm weather soirees and ceremonies (even for outings at the beach!)

Fashionable with laced-up corsets underneath for a hourglass or S-curve silhouette and lushly up-swept ‘Gibson Girl’ hairstyles, high-society ladies wore fancy varieties of “lingerie dresses” to Ascot, spring boat races, or just to promenade in the park, topped with large elaborate hats. But these “little white dresses” were very democratic; with the popularity of the sewing machine, most all women (young and old) were able to wear some version of the favored frock. They also became de rigueur for tea-dances, graduations and other rites-of-passage ceremonies—even as a wedding dress since they were often an Edwardian middle-class girl’s “best dress.”

A bride of the time would add some “bridal-ey” accessories for her wedding day like a wreath of wax orange blossoms as well as tiny bouquets of them pinned here and there on her dress. She would also wear a gossamer tulle or lace veil—perhaps one that had been her mother’s—and of course she’d carry a bouquet of fresh flowers and herbs.

When I had my bridal art-to-wear store in Atlanta in the 1980s and 90s, my designers restored many of these old “lingerie dresses” that I’d found searching antique markets and fairs. Sometimes they were for brides, sometimes for her attendants, but always for someone who had a special eye for such vintage beauty. It was as though you could feel the intimacy of the intricate needlework detail…like you became a part of their feminine legacy.

What are you wearing for your wedding? It may be a brand-new, gorgeous designer creation; or a special gown borrowed from a friend or found at a gently-worn shop; or perhaps it’s indeed a rare vintage dress from another era with its own unique story to tell of romance and mystery! Whatever you’re wearing, remember to add your personal touch that includes a bit of old-fashioned spirit and a heart full of love.

Love. Listen. Let go.

…with love from Cornelia

*ps: Read more about “lingerie dresses” on Kristina’s delightful Vintage Connection website.

 

[Top photo: Courtesy of Historic Mobile Preservation Society]