{Family & National Treasures}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Historically, wedding gowns had a special place in a family’s remembrances, and those bridal costumes designed to be worn only once were “often carefully preserved as a family heirloom, sometimes passed down from generation to generation” along with anecdotal stories and tenderly held mementoes.

But royal wedding dresses—and many connected to royalty—and their precious accessories are donated to a museum or historical collection for safekeeping with an occasional display to the public. Even months before her glittering wedding in the spring of 1956, Grace Kelly announced that she would give her antique lace and silk gown to the Philadelphia Museum of Art in her hometown. And within the year, she and her prince visited the exhibition in a flurry of press coverage.

Concerned her pale blue wedding ensemble by couturier Mainbocher would not be accepted by a British museum after scandalously marrying a former king in 1937, Wallis Warfield Simpson donated it to the Costume Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. And there it resides to this day.

The Duchess of Cambridge’s regal couture gown went on temporary display at Buckingham Palace soon after her wedding in the spring of 2011. Following a private visit by Kate and her grandmother-in-law (the Queen!) over a half million people visited the exhibit of the dress that “reflected the vision of a new generation of the British monarchy.”

In 1997 I saw a special exhibition, “In Royal Fashion,” at the Museum of London featuring the wedding gowns of Princess Charlotte of Wales (an elaborate “cloth-of-silver” circa 1816) and Queen Victoria (sans the fragile Honiton lace frills and border.)  They are only two of several royal wedding dresses now in the care of the skilled conservation and heritage charity housed at Kensington Palace that take care of these national treasures.

Princess Diana’s shimmering pouf of a wedding gown went on display in 1998, with other bridal accoutrements, in a gallery at Althorp, the Spencer family ancestral home. The exhibition has also been on a grand tour of the world for over a decade (ending this summer) with millions peering in at the enchantment of it all!

Whatever you are wearing for your wedding or whatever you decide to do with your gown afterwards, wear it like the goddess you are…allow yourself to feel your true beauty inside and out, enjoying your own “royal” time in the spotlight.

 

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

ps: This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The End of the Fairy-Tale Bride: {Volume One} For Better or Worse, How Princess Diana Rescued the Great White Wedding. Stay tuned for publication announcements later in the year!

 

{Dressed In White, Or Not}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
There are so many choices of wedding gowns today now that a plethora of designers are in the business. Once white became the traditional color (beginning almost two hundred years ago with British royalty, but really only becoming “the” color in the middle of last century—the post-war ’50s really loved “the great white wedding”), white gowns became steeped in emotions and dreams and lots of “meaning.”

Wearing white may have become the “tradition,” but there have always been “fashion rebels” (some who wore purple or red gowns; or hot pants and see-through tops) and members of royalty (who at one time wore brocades of silver) and societal “rules” that encouraged some brides—usually to please their mothers—to avoid wearing a shade of “off-white” (if one was hung-up on “virginal” implications!)
 

Now in our Internet-equalizer world there is a near universal popularity of the gown that turns a bride into a “vision in white” and evokes some kind of “princess” tingling down to her toes. Has the color white finally lost any cultural and emotional symbolism and is now just a “pretty preference”?

 

I find that wearing white has always had a ceremonial and regal quality...taking on a kind of goddess-like radiance. (No wonder women love wearing white a bride.) So whatever you wear for your wedding, add your own “meaning” and just be sure that it includes some “I feel gorgeous” tingling down to your toes!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Bryan Gardner for Martha Stewart]

{Aromatherapy-Wise Bride}

Dear Bride-to-Be:
Your time of being a bride should be a dreamy time filled with love! However, if you're doing most of the wedding planning and organizing yourself, it can get a bit stressful, yes? So how can you have the best of all worlds: Stay “full of love, ease and creativity” while planning a wedding from your heart....?

Here are bits of aromatherapy wisdom to get your creative juices flowing:

•     “Lightly spritz wedding invitations and love letters with tea rose or jasmine scents…it helps send love around the world.”

•     “Put a few drops of essential oil on an unscented dryer sheet with your bed linens…lavender pillowcases call sweet dreams close….love follows the scent of rose. Choose either fragrance for a dreamy rest.”

•     “Add a couple of drops of relaxing lavender essential oil onto a practical (washable) white linen handkerchief to carry on your wedding day. Then as you dab at tears (his or yours), the scent brings sweet calm.”

Be an “aromatherapy-wise” bride and enjoy your fragrantly-creative-planning-time and a love-scented wedding day!

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photograph: Ian Grant]

Old-Fashioned {Redux}

[This is a reprint of my article, "Being Old-Fashioned, Downton Abbey Style," from the summer issue of SEASON magazine. Scroll to page 93 or enjoy text below!]






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Being Old-Fashioned, Downton Abbey Style

One of my favorite bridal historians, British writer Ann Monsarrat, talked about how old “innocent superstitions…just for fun” became wedding “traditions” in Victorian times. Although most wedding customs have ancient roots back to the days of arranged marriages (like “the superstition that the bride and groom should not meet on their wedding day until they do so at the altar”), it was the sentimental Victorians who made them part of the “rules” of wedding etiquette. And even if a tad old-fashioned, some traditions stayed around while others disappeared in the regimented practicality guiding many weddings today.

It reminds me of the episode of Downton Abbey in season three when Martha Levinson, Cora’s very avant garde American mother played by Shirley Maclaine, arrives for Lady Mary’s wedding. At dinner the night before the ceremony, Violet, the other grandmother (Maggie Smith’s witty character, the proper Dowager Countess) tells Martha that Matthew won’t be dining with them since it’s “bad luck” for the groom to see the bride. Martha teases about following such old-fashioned notions: “It’s 1920 for heaven’s sake!”

However, old-fashioned or not, keeping some traditions just brings out the sweetness in us. Remember the Downton Abbey scene later that night when Matthew slips into the Abbey to apologize to Mary and—with her slightly opened bedroom door between them—asks for a reconciliation kiss. After a pause, Mary softens and smiles: “Only if you close your eyes…it’s bad luck to see me before the wedding.” (He does, she does, then takes a peek, and they seem even more in love when they meet at the altar the next morning!)

Now I can appreciate the benefits of being practical as much as the next fellow; and I understand that the current practice of taking photographs of all the wedding party before the ceremony is indeed “practical.” But don’t you think it spoils some of the romantic mystery?

Ann Monsarrat told this charming story around the 1893 wedding of a future king and queen: 

…when Princess May of Teck and the Duke of York caught sight of each other from opposite ends of one of the long, long corridors of Buckingham Palace on their marriage morning, they took it as a happy sign. They were a constrained couple, always writing to explain how much they loved each other and apologising that they could not actually say so; both were warmed by the brief encounter. The Duke, according to Queen Mary’s official biographer ‘swept her a low and courtly bow. This gesture she never forgot.’

Certain old-fashioned notions may be worth saving—especially if they inspire such courtliness and tender memories. And in our “let it all hang out” modern world, they may prove absolutely essential in keeping some of our “mystery” intact (and a woman’s mystery never goes out of fashion and sometimes romance needs a bit of old-fashioned nudging.) ~

{Open Your Heart}

Dear Bride-to-Be:

With all the commercial hype, canned traditions, and tantalizing nonsense out there, it’s an extra daunting time for whomever is planning a wedding—whether it’s the bride, her mother or both! So several years ago, I created “Open Your Heart” CDs for these busy, task-oriented women. Not only as a way to support their ease and well-being, but the short, guided relaxations were also designed to help their choices come from the heart. (I’ve been to so many weddings where the character, soul and intimacy have been squeezed out of the wedding day because of the stress to “get it right” instead of relaxing and simply “sharing your love.”) 

 

So I introduced my CDs —a version for brides and another for all women—at one of those big, splashy bridal extravaganzas. During the afternoon event in the hotel’s grand ballroom, my team and I greeted the rush of visitors—hundreds of brides with their wedding entourage in tow. And for those brides, mothers and members of the wedding party who paused at our booth, I shared the benefits of slowing down during their wedding planning time for a few moments of relaxation and ease. (You’ll “feel better” and “look more beautiful”—and with some of the brides I threw in “have better sex” to really get their attention!) Some of the brides-to-be looked rather bewildered when I mentioned “relaxation,” reacting with words like: “I’m just too busy/tense/crazed to slow down and relax!” Hmmmmm.



As many thousands of brides as I had worked with over the years in my former shop by the time I did this event, I figured I’d be met with some resistance to the notion “that being calm and not reactive” equaled  happier relationships. (So the nature of the reactions I received certainly didn’t bode well for peaceful marriages and family life ahead.) Nevertheless, it wasn’t surprising that just as many of the mothers of future brides and grooms spoke up with: “I’m the one who needs this CD!”

I think we can all use support in slowing down, relaxing, and bringing ease to our bodies, mind and spirit no matter the tasks we’ve taken on. As the wise Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh prompts us: “Breathe, smile and go slowly.” (And I say, a more beautiful bride is a more relaxed, in-her-heart bride!)

Find a way to ease your noisy mind...remember, deeeeeeep easy breaths. Create your own ritual of stillness—a meditative womanly ritual for deep relaxation—one that would be a gift of heart-opening ease (a gift to you, to him, to all!) Even if it’s only five minutes of quiet solitude a day: in the early morning before your busy day begins or as an afternoon break; after a bath to continue your relaxation or before bed to support deep rest. Find your quiet hub; find your inner stillness. Open your heart.

Love. Listen. Let go.
...with love from Cornelia

[Photographs: J Nichols Photography]

{Vintage Shimmer}

"Costumes of Downton Abbey" Exhibition at Winterthur

Dear Bride-to-Be:
I recently had the pleasure of being guest speaker at the marvelous Winterthur Museum in Delaware during their ongoing "Costumes of Downton Abbey" exhibition. Lady Edith's cream silk wedding dress was a favorite on display....and I included details in my talk about how costume designer Caroline McCall created the elegant vintage design, starting with an antique silk and crystal beaded train.

Caroline said she looked at lots of old photographs and magazines for inspiration for the design of Edith's dress....one gown was that of Mary, the Princess Royal, for her wedding in 1922 at Westminster Abbey. Like many princesses of the time, the column-style, drop-waist gown was silver in color.  I thought you'd enjoy this from Christopher Warwick, author of Two Centuries of Royal Weddings, citing a "shimmering" description from a guest at the 20s wedding:

Princess Mary's gown was silver lamé, veiled with marquisette embroidered in English roses worked with thousands of tiny diamonds and seed pearls in a faint lattice-work design....girdled with a silver cord studded with triple rows of pearls....and from the waist also hung a trail of orange blossom with silver stems.

The train was composed of specially woven white and silver duchess satin, draped with Honiton lace embroidered in baroque pearls, diamonds and silver bullion.

Now your bridal gown may not be such a glistening, silvery confection....nor vintage-inspired....nor one designed just for you (although a princess you may be!) But whatever you wear for your wedding day, include a shimmering open-heart ready to share with all....and all the days thereafter!

Love. Listen. Let go.

...with love from Cornelia

 

Cornelia with Maggie Lidz, Winterthur Estate Historian,
at the entrance of the "Costumes of Downton Abbey" exhibition

ps:  The "Costumes of Downton Abbey" exhibition will be at Winterthur through January 4, 2015. It is not a traveling exhibit....in addition to the costumes, it has videos and images from the show that won't be seen elsewhere....so get yourself there! You don't want to miss it!